When someone engages in compulsive sexual behaviors while in a
committed relationship, the truth about the behaviors is bound to come
out. In some cases, the sexually addicted partner may reveal the
behaviors to his or her spouse. In other cases, the spouse may discover
the behaviors on his or her own. For example, a partner may be involved
in affairs and the spouse may find hotel receipts. Arrests for illegal
sexual activity or sexual misconduct accusations are also common ways
that a spouse may discover the sexually compulsive behavior of his or
her partner.
When a spouse discovers the behavior on his or her own, the natural response is to confront the sexually addicted partner. When confronted, sex addicts react in a variety of ways. Some addicts will try to make excuses or rationalize their behavior out of the fear of losing their partner. This is a natural reaction when people are confronted. Shame and embarrassment are also factors in the addict's attempt at hiding the full extent of his or her sexually compulsive behaviors. In some cases, there may be legal ramifications if their behaviors are disclosed. No matter what the reason, it is important to remember that this is a sexual disorder and the addict is in need of help. If at all possible, it is important for the partner of someone with a sex addiction to be supportive and try to go through the recovery process together.
Once discovered, spouses want to know everything in detail. As a sexual partner, they feel a sense of entitlement. Indeed, it is important for partners to know whether they have been put at risk for contracting a sexually transmitted disease. In view of learning of the details of their partners' addiction, spouses can make the decision to go through the recovery process with their partners or leave the relationships altogether.
If there have been extramarital sexual behaviors, a spouse may feel a wide variety of emotions. These emotions can include anger, inadequacy and devastation. Many will want to leave the relationship, though may decide to stay hoping for recovery. Research shows that honesty is a helpful, yet painful, first step for spouses of sex addicts. It lays the groundwork for regaining trust in a relationship.
Graphic sexual details are not generally helpful; however, details such as time, location and the general nature of the behavior as well as any health risks that may be present are beneficial. It is important to remember that partners of sex addicts will feel betrayed by the actual sexual activity and the concealment of that activity. Lies can be as hurtful as the actual act, and are often the cause of a spouse losing trust. Therefore, rebuilding trust is an important part of recovery for both the sex addict and the addict's partner. It can be a long, ongoing process, but generally rebuilding trust in a relationship takes two years.
If the sex addict is the one to disclose his or her compulsive sexual behavior, it is suggested that he or she do it in the presence of a counselor, the spouse of an addict who has gone through the recovery process or even a trusted family friend. It is tempting to write a letter or call, but disclosure really needs to be done face to face. If an addict is facing legal or professional consequences as a result of his or her compulsive sexual behaviors, then he or she should seek professional counsel before discussing the behavior with anyone else.
Relapse during the recovery process from sex addiction is a real possibility. Honesty during a relapse is critical to the overall recovery process and maintaining trust between couples. It is far better for an addict to admit his or her relapse than to try to conceal it. Honesty is the key to building and maintaining a healthy relationship throughout the recovery process and beyond.
When a spouse discovers the behavior on his or her own, the natural response is to confront the sexually addicted partner. When confronted, sex addicts react in a variety of ways. Some addicts will try to make excuses or rationalize their behavior out of the fear of losing their partner. This is a natural reaction when people are confronted. Shame and embarrassment are also factors in the addict's attempt at hiding the full extent of his or her sexually compulsive behaviors. In some cases, there may be legal ramifications if their behaviors are disclosed. No matter what the reason, it is important to remember that this is a sexual disorder and the addict is in need of help. If at all possible, it is important for the partner of someone with a sex addiction to be supportive and try to go through the recovery process together.
Once discovered, spouses want to know everything in detail. As a sexual partner, they feel a sense of entitlement. Indeed, it is important for partners to know whether they have been put at risk for contracting a sexually transmitted disease. In view of learning of the details of their partners' addiction, spouses can make the decision to go through the recovery process with their partners or leave the relationships altogether.
If there have been extramarital sexual behaviors, a spouse may feel a wide variety of emotions. These emotions can include anger, inadequacy and devastation. Many will want to leave the relationship, though may decide to stay hoping for recovery. Research shows that honesty is a helpful, yet painful, first step for spouses of sex addicts. It lays the groundwork for regaining trust in a relationship.
Graphic sexual details are not generally helpful; however, details such as time, location and the general nature of the behavior as well as any health risks that may be present are beneficial. It is important to remember that partners of sex addicts will feel betrayed by the actual sexual activity and the concealment of that activity. Lies can be as hurtful as the actual act, and are often the cause of a spouse losing trust. Therefore, rebuilding trust is an important part of recovery for both the sex addict and the addict's partner. It can be a long, ongoing process, but generally rebuilding trust in a relationship takes two years.
If the sex addict is the one to disclose his or her compulsive sexual behavior, it is suggested that he or she do it in the presence of a counselor, the spouse of an addict who has gone through the recovery process or even a trusted family friend. It is tempting to write a letter or call, but disclosure really needs to be done face to face. If an addict is facing legal or professional consequences as a result of his or her compulsive sexual behaviors, then he or she should seek professional counsel before discussing the behavior with anyone else.
Relapse during the recovery process from sex addiction is a real possibility. Honesty during a relapse is critical to the overall recovery process and maintaining trust between couples. It is far better for an addict to admit his or her relapse than to try to conceal it. Honesty is the key to building and maintaining a healthy relationship throughout the recovery process and beyond.
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