Recovery from sex addiction can feel like you're on a roller coaster. Your progress may seem slow, or you might find yourself stuck in the same spot for what feels like an eternity. If you should relapse you may feel hopeless and believe you have failed entirely. Learning, growing, and self-acceptance throughout your recovery from sex addiction are important tools for success. Learn to watch for progress in your recovery, not perfection. Here are some more tips to help you on your road to recovery.
1. Start slow
- Many people are tempted to take all of the focused intensity they used for their sex addiction and direct it toward recovery. You may be tempted to make large, public pronouncements about the great intents you have for your program of recovery, and list, confidently, all of the things you will never engage in again. These large goals, and the never again mindset, can set the stage for future setbacks and disappointments. They lead to a sense of failure if you relapse at some point in your recovery.
While clear goals, commitment and focused dedication are good and valuable parts of recovery from sex addiction, it is important to understand that sobriety is not achieved overnight. Moderation is an important piece of longevity. Recovery is a lifelong process.
2. Develop Tolerance
- As you go through your own program of recovery from sex addiction, you may find, from time to time, that you are irritated with the people around you. You may not agree with their viewpoint, or their program of recovery. You might not like how they relate to other people or agree with their values. Instead of giving into condemnation or judgment, or allowing yourself to gossip, work to develop your tolerance.
Developing tolerance frees you from being at the mercy of the behavior of other people, behavior which you very likely can't change. You can learn to take these negative emotions and use them as a reminder to keep your focus on your own life and your own healing from sex addiction. Developing tolerance for others will help to keep you from getting distracted from your primary purpose, which is recovery.
3. Ask questions
- It is expected that anyone new to recovery will have a lot of questions. Asking questions is an indication of an open mind. It allows you to reach out to other people in recovery and to build relationships. Remember, there are no stupid questions, and every question is important.
4. Get feedback
- Getting insight from other sober addicts is a great addition to any program of recovery from sex addiction. It is difficult to have an objective perspective on your own life and recovery. Asking for and listening to feedback from others can help. You might even get suggestions from others about what might be helpful for you in your recovery.
Some people in recovery develop weekly feedback groups. Generally this is a group of people committed to meeting with each other on a regular basis to talk about what's going on in their recovery and to offer each other feedback on the journey from sex addiction to healthy sexuality.
5. Identify, don't compare
- During the early stages of your recovery from sex addiction you might be tempted to compare your behavior with other sober addicts. You may hear other stories and determine that your own sex addiction behaviors are much less serious than those of the people in your group or at you meeting. It can be tempting to think that your sex addiction isn't as big of a problem as you thought, reinforcing your denial. Sometimes, just the opposite happens, and you believe that no one could be as sick or as bad as you are, a self-destructive line of thought.
Instead of thinking either of these thoughts, focus on the truth that, like you, all addicts are faced with powerlessness. Identify with the stories you hear instead of comparing them to your own. Once you can do this you will begin to do away with the isolation that is a part of addiction and move toward a support network of like-minded individuals.
6. Use outside resources
- Once you are engaged in recovery from sex addiction you may find that new problems reveal themselves. Understand that sex addiction was likely used to avoid difficult memories or feelings, or you might have experienced moments during your addiction that were particularly traumatic. You may realize there are health issues that need attention or, sometimes, legal troubles.
You are encouraged to utilize the services of therapists, doctors, lawyers, advisers, counselors, and any other type of resource that may be needed. You may find that doing so helps you to develop a healthy and balanced life separate from sex addiction.
7. Use three tools a day
- There are many, many tools available to help you in your recovery from sex addiction. Group meetings, support groups, connecting with a sponsor, prayer, meditation, books and literature, and phone calls to your support network are just a few of the ways you can constructively move toward healthy sexuality. Make a commitment to use at least three of these tools every day during your program of recovery.
8. Stay positive
- While in the beginning of your recovery you may focus time on the shameful behaviors and compulsions of sex addiction, it is important not to overlook the successes of each day you remain sober. Avoid the temptation of falling into the trap of self-loathing or pity by reminding yourself and others of your successes as they come. No triumph is too small to share. Remember that every positive step you take is one step closer to a healthier and better life.
9. Get some exercise
- When you begin a program of recovery from sex addiction you are also doing away with your familiar means of handling excess energy. Starting something like an exercise program will give you an outlet that helps lessen some of the symptoms of withdrawal, as well as naturally improving your mood and health. Many people who have successfully remained sober from sex addiction have found physical exercise to be greatly helpful.
10. Lend a hand
- It is helpful when trying to break a habit to substitute a different activity. Very often, newly sober addicts don't know what to do to fill their time. Stepping into your first group meeting can be an overwhelming and uncomfortable moment if you don't know anyone else, or what to do. Getting active and lending a hand in service can help you fill your time, and it can help you fit in. Set up chairs or literature; get the coffee started, act as a greeter, anything that might help you take your mind off of yourself.
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