Sex addiction can be hard to identify. Enjoying sex and having a
lot of it are not unusual, but social customs and expectations can be
inconsistent on how much sex is normal. The addicted mind has an
astounding capacity to rationalize behavior that feeds the addiction, so
self-diagnosis can be difficult. The following are some possible signs
of a sex addiction. If you experience more than one or two, you might
want to consider talking to a professional who can help you develop a
clearer idea.
First, let's be clear on what a sex addiction is. Sex in this case can mean any sexual act, such as pornography or masturbation, developing one relationship after another (love addiction), or actual copulation. An addiction is typically identified when a person is compelled to repeat a behavior that has harmful ramifications and is unable to stop despite these consequences.
1. Are you wondering if you have a sex addiction?
Anyone can link idle thoughts to any sexual topic, but if you've put serious thought into the notion, and begin to obsess about it, you might be a sex addict, that may be a red flag on its own. There is no set limit to the number of times a person should have sex, and different social groups have different expectations regarding sexual activity. Each person develops their own sense of right and wrong.
When pondering the probability of your having a sex addiction you should ask yourself these questions. What feels right for you? Do you feel badly about how much sex you are having? If you feel you are pushing a boundary or have broken one, this may be a sign of sex addiction.
2. Are sex or sexual activities causing you problems?
Have you cheated on your spouse or partner? Your boyfriend/girlfriend? Have you contracted an STD on more than one occasion? Have you been fired or reprimanded for sexual indiscretion at work?
The responses to these questions are key factors in determining if you have a problem. When your sexual behavior leads to difficulties in life, this is a sign of an addiction. Sex addiction can have a number of harmful physical consequences, such as STDs and unwanted pregnancies. Addicts don't engage in the behavior for an emotional connection, they are doing it to fulfill a physical need, and it can stunt one's ability to develop real emotional bonds. For those in a relationship, such as a marriage, this addiction can put severe stress on those bonds and even break them. Even if you are not committing infidelity, sex addiction can drive your partner away by asking them to adhere to unreasonable demands and placing them in uncomfortable situations.
Don't forget financial matters. Running into debt over paid phone sex and Internet sources is a sign you may have a sex addiction. Purchasing excessive amounts of pornographic material, such as DVDs, magazines, and sexual paraphernalia, can take money away from necessary household expenses.
3. Do you use sex to make yourself feel better?
One of the ways an addiction forms is when the body becomes dependent on the addictive substance to function. People use alcohol to loosen up socially or to dull bad feelings. Sex causes the brain to produce dopamine, a chemical which makes you feel good. The desire to feel good becomes an addiction. How the addict goes about achieving this feeling is telling. People who use sex as an anesthetic may either be sex addicts or on the road to addiction since the brain learns that the way to cope with negative emotions is through sexual behavior.
4. You have tried to stop unwanted sexual behavior and failed?
Here we should note that conquering a sex addiction does not mean giving up sex, but instead means controlling the inappropriate behavior. Many addicts who realize they have a problem can sustain relatively long periods without any sexual activity, using certain coping methods to refrain. They eventually break down and give in to the addiction, as the problem is not solved. These people are not in control, even if they can resist for a period of time. Being in control means a person can refrain from sex when the consequences would be severe, and can enjoy sex when appropriate. Of course sexual misadventures are nothing new and not a sign of addiction, but repeated efforts to take control that fail is what defines an addiction.
5. Do you take risks with sex?
This question is similar to whether or not sex is causing you problems. Do you hire prostitutes? You are risking an STD if you do, plus trouble with the law. Prostitutes also tend to frequent unsafe areas creating physical risk and peril.
Are you having illegal sex? To be clear, not all sex addicts are sex offenders, but someone with an addiction may see their reasoning trumping their desires. Aside from the serious crimes such as rape and child victimization, voyeurism and exhibitionism can also lead to legal problems. Voyeurs also called "peeping Toms," risk prosecution as do exhibitionists, or "flashers." A person compelled to do these things are risking their freedom and the consequences can be long jail sentences and a social stigma that is difficult to get rid of.
Having sex in inappropriate places is another unsuitable behavior. Young, high-spirited couples have been known to have sex in odd or conspicuous locations, but if you have a reputation and a career that you frequently put them at risk by having sex at work, or looking at porn on the job, you may have a sex addiction.
It can be difficult to separate sexually addictive behavior from plain indiscretion or foolishness. If one or more of the above scenarios affect your life or the lives of your family and loved ones, you should give some real consideration to seeking professional help. Awareness of sex addiction is growing and there are a number of informative, helpful, and insightful sources and resources on the Internet.
First, let's be clear on what a sex addiction is. Sex in this case can mean any sexual act, such as pornography or masturbation, developing one relationship after another (love addiction), or actual copulation. An addiction is typically identified when a person is compelled to repeat a behavior that has harmful ramifications and is unable to stop despite these consequences.
1. Are you wondering if you have a sex addiction?
Anyone can link idle thoughts to any sexual topic, but if you've put serious thought into the notion, and begin to obsess about it, you might be a sex addict, that may be a red flag on its own. There is no set limit to the number of times a person should have sex, and different social groups have different expectations regarding sexual activity. Each person develops their own sense of right and wrong.
When pondering the probability of your having a sex addiction you should ask yourself these questions. What feels right for you? Do you feel badly about how much sex you are having? If you feel you are pushing a boundary or have broken one, this may be a sign of sex addiction.
2. Are sex or sexual activities causing you problems?
Have you cheated on your spouse or partner? Your boyfriend/girlfriend? Have you contracted an STD on more than one occasion? Have you been fired or reprimanded for sexual indiscretion at work?
The responses to these questions are key factors in determining if you have a problem. When your sexual behavior leads to difficulties in life, this is a sign of an addiction. Sex addiction can have a number of harmful physical consequences, such as STDs and unwanted pregnancies. Addicts don't engage in the behavior for an emotional connection, they are doing it to fulfill a physical need, and it can stunt one's ability to develop real emotional bonds. For those in a relationship, such as a marriage, this addiction can put severe stress on those bonds and even break them. Even if you are not committing infidelity, sex addiction can drive your partner away by asking them to adhere to unreasonable demands and placing them in uncomfortable situations.
Don't forget financial matters. Running into debt over paid phone sex and Internet sources is a sign you may have a sex addiction. Purchasing excessive amounts of pornographic material, such as DVDs, magazines, and sexual paraphernalia, can take money away from necessary household expenses.
3. Do you use sex to make yourself feel better?
One of the ways an addiction forms is when the body becomes dependent on the addictive substance to function. People use alcohol to loosen up socially or to dull bad feelings. Sex causes the brain to produce dopamine, a chemical which makes you feel good. The desire to feel good becomes an addiction. How the addict goes about achieving this feeling is telling. People who use sex as an anesthetic may either be sex addicts or on the road to addiction since the brain learns that the way to cope with negative emotions is through sexual behavior.
4. You have tried to stop unwanted sexual behavior and failed?
Here we should note that conquering a sex addiction does not mean giving up sex, but instead means controlling the inappropriate behavior. Many addicts who realize they have a problem can sustain relatively long periods without any sexual activity, using certain coping methods to refrain. They eventually break down and give in to the addiction, as the problem is not solved. These people are not in control, even if they can resist for a period of time. Being in control means a person can refrain from sex when the consequences would be severe, and can enjoy sex when appropriate. Of course sexual misadventures are nothing new and not a sign of addiction, but repeated efforts to take control that fail is what defines an addiction.
5. Do you take risks with sex?
This question is similar to whether or not sex is causing you problems. Do you hire prostitutes? You are risking an STD if you do, plus trouble with the law. Prostitutes also tend to frequent unsafe areas creating physical risk and peril.
Are you having illegal sex? To be clear, not all sex addicts are sex offenders, but someone with an addiction may see their reasoning trumping their desires. Aside from the serious crimes such as rape and child victimization, voyeurism and exhibitionism can also lead to legal problems. Voyeurs also called "peeping Toms," risk prosecution as do exhibitionists, or "flashers." A person compelled to do these things are risking their freedom and the consequences can be long jail sentences and a social stigma that is difficult to get rid of.
Having sex in inappropriate places is another unsuitable behavior. Young, high-spirited couples have been known to have sex in odd or conspicuous locations, but if you have a reputation and a career that you frequently put them at risk by having sex at work, or looking at porn on the job, you may have a sex addiction.
It can be difficult to separate sexually addictive behavior from plain indiscretion or foolishness. If one or more of the above scenarios affect your life or the lives of your family and loved ones, you should give some real consideration to seeking professional help. Awareness of sex addiction is growing and there are a number of informative, helpful, and insightful sources and resources on the Internet.
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