Okay. I grew up in the sixties. Yes, I'm a little antiquated, but
I remember quite a few things, particularly TV shows and commercials.
One commercial that caught my eye back then was the one about the
Marlboro Man. He was a tough, independent cowboy---an alpha male who
"roughed" it across America with his horse, settling no where,
temporarily making a fire, cooking in a worn, dented pot, then snuggling
with his horse as the sun set---just to head out the next morning, and
do it all over again.
He advertised Marlboro cigarettes. They were fashionable back then before research showed us how deadly smoking really was.
I thought it was cool as I watched him with that cigarette dangling from the edge of his mouth, bushy moustache perched over his lips, and that Clint Eastwood squint that reminded me of my dad. To me, he was a symbol of America.
But as I tried to live out this American symbol, "roughing" it and being extremely independent somehow did not work in the REAL world. I often felt lost, as if I was floating in outer space, unconnected from others, and this made me sad.
Since then I have learned about the science behind how people are made and what they need to grow into contributing human beings.
We need community--safe, healthy and transparent relationships to help us navigate through this world. Look up psychologist and researcher Abraham Maslow. He created the concept of Hierarchy of Needs. Belonging is at the top of his list. It is basic to all of mankind.
What I will say next may make some of you wince as if I'm dabbing medicine in an open wound. But as you know, if I have to treat the wound so the infection doesn't spread, please let me do it.
Here it is.
Letting community into the darkest, most damaged recesses of you, and shining the light (being vulnerable) in these areas is one key to healing those broken places. Those areas of shame and secrecy are the doors I want you to open to those who are mature and safe. Ouch! You might be thinking, "Rosalind, you are crazy."
But the truth is the thing you keep trying to repress only grows stronger in time. That repressed anger, isolation, depression and anxiety will only deepen in time, influence dysfunctional behavior, and strip you of the joy you deserve.
Moreover, I want you to humbly ask those who have what you need to grow to help you. I want you to be intentional about this in the weak areas of your life.
For example, I got divorced around thirty. I spent the next fourteen years, solely focused on raising my two boys who are now twenty-five and twenty-nine. As they needed me less, I realized I was lonely, and turned to dating. Within two years, I was married.
The first thing I realized after I flung the rice from shoes was I had little experience in being a good wife. I wanted to be one. After all, I did not want to be divorced again.
I asked God for help. It soon occurred to me, that one of the members of my church was a perfect candidate. We had a natural chemistry, and I knew she had integrity and maturity.
Most importantly, she was happily married for thirty years!
One Sunday after church, I mustered up the nerve to talk to her.
"Jane," I trembled, "would you mind being a mentor in marriage for me? I mean I want to learn how to think like a Godly wife, and I know you could help me with that."
I winced as I waited for her answer.
To my surprise, a grin spread from one side of her face to the other. She appeared to be honored.
In the many months to come,I brought to her my unresolved relationship issues from my past divorce, current problems and struggles in my marriage. She faithfully made herself available as a nonjudgmental, compassionate confidant and counselor who supported me as I navigated through marriage. I believe I became a better wife because of her counsel which included holding me accountable for my actions within the relationship with my husband.
Whew!
There are so many application to this concept. Want to get over thoughtlessness? Find a friend who can model compassion. Want to become a more logical person? Ask someone to mentor you. Want to be a better steward of your finances? Open up your check book, and let that trusted friend who is a wizard with numbers, teach you how to grow money.
To conclude, when you allow community to come into the most guarded areas of our life, they can support your healing process as you transform through their acceptance, love, maturity and accountability. Do it. Be intentional about it, and you'll never be the same!
He advertised Marlboro cigarettes. They were fashionable back then before research showed us how deadly smoking really was.
I thought it was cool as I watched him with that cigarette dangling from the edge of his mouth, bushy moustache perched over his lips, and that Clint Eastwood squint that reminded me of my dad. To me, he was a symbol of America.
But as I tried to live out this American symbol, "roughing" it and being extremely independent somehow did not work in the REAL world. I often felt lost, as if I was floating in outer space, unconnected from others, and this made me sad.
Since then I have learned about the science behind how people are made and what they need to grow into contributing human beings.
We need community--safe, healthy and transparent relationships to help us navigate through this world. Look up psychologist and researcher Abraham Maslow. He created the concept of Hierarchy of Needs. Belonging is at the top of his list. It is basic to all of mankind.
What I will say next may make some of you wince as if I'm dabbing medicine in an open wound. But as you know, if I have to treat the wound so the infection doesn't spread, please let me do it.
Here it is.
Letting community into the darkest, most damaged recesses of you, and shining the light (being vulnerable) in these areas is one key to healing those broken places. Those areas of shame and secrecy are the doors I want you to open to those who are mature and safe. Ouch! You might be thinking, "Rosalind, you are crazy."
But the truth is the thing you keep trying to repress only grows stronger in time. That repressed anger, isolation, depression and anxiety will only deepen in time, influence dysfunctional behavior, and strip you of the joy you deserve.
Moreover, I want you to humbly ask those who have what you need to grow to help you. I want you to be intentional about this in the weak areas of your life.
For example, I got divorced around thirty. I spent the next fourteen years, solely focused on raising my two boys who are now twenty-five and twenty-nine. As they needed me less, I realized I was lonely, and turned to dating. Within two years, I was married.
The first thing I realized after I flung the rice from shoes was I had little experience in being a good wife. I wanted to be one. After all, I did not want to be divorced again.
I asked God for help. It soon occurred to me, that one of the members of my church was a perfect candidate. We had a natural chemistry, and I knew she had integrity and maturity.
Most importantly, she was happily married for thirty years!
One Sunday after church, I mustered up the nerve to talk to her.
"Jane," I trembled, "would you mind being a mentor in marriage for me? I mean I want to learn how to think like a Godly wife, and I know you could help me with that."
I winced as I waited for her answer.
To my surprise, a grin spread from one side of her face to the other. She appeared to be honored.
In the many months to come,I brought to her my unresolved relationship issues from my past divorce, current problems and struggles in my marriage. She faithfully made herself available as a nonjudgmental, compassionate confidant and counselor who supported me as I navigated through marriage. I believe I became a better wife because of her counsel which included holding me accountable for my actions within the relationship with my husband.
Whew!
There are so many application to this concept. Want to get over thoughtlessness? Find a friend who can model compassion. Want to become a more logical person? Ask someone to mentor you. Want to be a better steward of your finances? Open up your check book, and let that trusted friend who is a wizard with numbers, teach you how to grow money.
To conclude, when you allow community to come into the most guarded areas of our life, they can support your healing process as you transform through their acceptance, love, maturity and accountability. Do it. Be intentional about it, and you'll never be the same!
Rosalind Henderson empowers clients with powerful, research-
based strategies to remove restraints, enabling them to reach goals once
thought unachievable. Fears, poor motivation, lack of self-awareness,
unproductive beliefs and negative thinking styles can block achievement,
but are transformed through Rosalind's seminars and products.
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