What Is the Disorder Knows As Sex Addiction

Sex addiction is a growing problem with damaging effects. It is a disease, it is a mental, spiritual, psychological, emotional and physical malady. Because of the sexual nature of the addiction it is not widely or openly discussed. Therefore, many people suffer with their addiction in silence.

According to The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health, "sexual addiction is a persistent and escalating pattern or patterns of sexual behaviors acted out despite increasingly negative consequences to self or others."

Some of these sexual behaviors include masturbation, watching pornography, engaging in cyber sex, engaging in phone sex, going out to strip clubs, hiring prostitutes or engaging in prostitution, sex with multiple anonymous partners and repeated sequential affairs, to name a few.

While at first glance, this addiction may seem like a moral problem, it is clear that it is also a real medical condition. This is evidenced by a draft released in 2010 by the American Psychiatric Association which recognizes it as a medical disorder which they formally call "Hypersexual Disorder." The draft lists the following as symptoms of the disorder:

The addicted individual spends "Excessive time consumed by sexual fantasies and urges, and by planning for and engaging in sexual behavior." This is called the obsession part of the disease. The person thinks about, daydreams about and is always planning on how to get their next "fix".

"Repetitively engaging in these sexual fantasies, urges and behavior in response to dysphoric mood states (e.g., anxiety, depression, boredom, irritability)." This is called the compulsion. The addict can't get enough, they need more of their drug to be satisfied.

"Repetitively engaging in sexual fantasies, urges and behavior in response to stressful life events." This part of the obsession takes place when triggers are created, when life becomes too stressful, the addict does not know how to properly feel or emote so they use their sex addiction to medicate their feelings.

"Repetitive but unsuccessful efforts to control or significantly reduce these sexual fantasies, urges and behavior." Many addicts realize they have a problem and want to stop, on their own, this won't happen. It's a disease and much like cancer, you can't just realize you have cancer and say I'll stop having cancer. Help is mandatory in dealing with this addiction.

"Repetitively engaging in sexual behavior while disregarding the risk for physical or emotional harm to self or others." Who in their right mind would engage in behaviors that are harmful to self or others? a sick person is the answer and since the sex addict is suffering and struggling with a disease, they need help.

Sex addiction resembles other addiction in many ways. For one, the brain chemistry changes are similar. Family background of addiction is prevalent in sex addicts as well as in alcoholics and drug addicts. Additionally, addicts in general report having come from homes that lacked nurturing. In most cases the addicts reported abusive backgrounds including emotional, physical and sexual abuses. They also report having been from family environments where neglect, abandonment and enmeshment were commonplace. Finally, many sex addicts suffer from other addictions. Because of these similarities to drug and alcohol addiction, the consequences and treatment options are very similar.

As you would imagine, this addiction comes with serious consequences in all areas of the lives of sex addicts including social, emotional, physical, legal, financial/occupational and spiritual. As such, recovery from sex addiction can be a lifelong challenge. However, there is hope for sex addicts. They have to take the first step and commit to recovery. Once an addict has made that commitment, there are a number of recovery options available, including counseling, individual and group therapy and all inclusive sexual addiction recovery programs.

Sex Addiction Recovery and Why I Should Follow The 12 Steps

The main reason you should follow a 12 step program to treat sex addiction is because such programs, based on techniques pioneered by Alcoholics Anonymous, have been known to work. That said, unfortunately there is little in the way of solid, scientific data showing recovery rates on people who went through a 12 step program.

Part of the reason for this is because each 12 step group is different. Alcoholics Anonymous published its 12 step program in 1939, and since then the basic template has been refined and adapted to treat other compulsive behaviors including sex addiction, drugs, gambling, etc. They all involve a person admitting they have no control over their behavior and turning their life over to a higher power, thus becoming more introspective.

Each "S" programs is a little different in how they suggest members work their recovery but they all follow the same 12 step model pioneered by Alcoholics Anonymous. Working a program of recovery has been proven to help calm the obsessions and compulsions of active sex addiction. Studies tend not to distinguish between people who went to a few meetings and left and those who stuck with it. There is anecdotal evidence to suggest 12 steps work, or at the very least are better than nothing. Still, a person looking for experts to agree that it works, or even a consensus on how well, is going to be disappointed.

Critics of 12 steps programs cite a 5 percent success rate, while groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous have argued success to be closer to 50 percent, and 25 percent after relapses. The debate has gone on for years, since the early 1940s, with proponents touting success and critics claiming their information is misleading and designed to bolster a treatment industry.

So why should a sex addict bother if even the experts can't agree on whether a 12 step program works or not? According to http://www.hazelden.org, a 1998 study done on 12 step alcoholic programs showed the program does have an effect on people whose social networks supported their drinking habit. This would indicate that the people surrounding the addicts had influence over their behavior.
A 12 step program puts a sex addict in a group that is not going to facilitate their addictive behavior. The addict will also be able to see other people with an addiction and compare their life to the others, perhaps realizing something they did not before. It will put the sex addict in contact with people who have reported recovery so they can see there is hope. It also lets a sex addict learn from others, using their techniques for dealing with urges and addressing problems in their life.

As previous articles explained, one component of the 12 step program is forcing a sex addict to look at their own life and behaviors. Step 4 of the 12 steps involve the addict taking an inventory of their life, behaviors, thoughts and actions and showing it to someone else, someone they trust. This is especially helpful for people who are not normally very introspective or self-conscious. A 12 step program makes a sex addict take a look at themselves from different angles, and once an addict does that they can often find ways to manage their addiction.

It should be noted that a sex addict is going to have to define success for themselves, and that they may carry with them their entire lives some behaviors learned from the 12 step program, namely the self-examination aspects. For the program to work, the addict program needs to stick to it; someone looking to be "cured" quickly is likely to be disappointed.

Life Between the Pings

I just spoke at the annual meeting of SIM (the Society of Information Management (SIM). These are corporate Chief Information Officers (CIOs) and Information Technology (IT) specialists who know me, they've read my books in their Leadership Learning Forums (LLF) and have listened to me talk to them over the last 20 years about the many ways there are for human beings to share information. We have explored the unconscious, entered trance states, and participated in ceremonies.

This year I talked about how the handheld computer is reprogramming human behavior on a massive scale. We are becoming addicted to the ping of an arriving call or text that triggers a burst of endorphins which stimulate the reward centers in the brain, and urge us to want more.

85% of all Americans are never more than an arms length away from their phones. In our culture, it is almost unimaginable to think about what life is like without the pings. Late-night show host Arsenio Hall recently said that he had the worst day in his life when he inadvertently left his iPhone at home. I can't be the only one who is terrified of what seems to me to be a cultural addiction to the ping. We are afraid that if we disconnect we might miss out on something that could be more important or exciting than whatever we are or are doing in the moment.

We defend our habit by exclaiming it could be an emergency and that we always have a choice about whether or not to respond to the intrusion. The bottom line is that it always takes us away from the moment and makes wherever we are or are doing never enough.

Our fetish with multitasking makes it possible to do many things but none of them as well as we could if we were more focused. I think we are suffering from Cultural Attention Deficit Disorder, that is manifesting in an epidemic of stress related mental illness and taking too many drugs.
Here is an antidote; come to the Thanksgiving table without your cellphones, make it the family ritual it is and be with each other in this moment. Tell family stories that remind you of all the things you are thankful for and what's most important to you.

Life is what happens between the pings.

Happy Thanksgiving, I say this To All My Relations, Mi Takuye Oyacin.

Our fetish with multitasking and cell phone addiction is taking us away from being in the moment and makes wherever we are or are doing never enough. Let's restore the dinner meal to a family ritual and prohibit cell phones at the table.