1. Jealousy is rooted in insecurity. Jealousy and anxieties
surrounding abandonment and failure go hand in hand. Typically, when we
feel jealous, it's because we don't feel like we are as good as another
person, and so we are replaceable. The less secure we feel in a
relationship the more prone we are to jealousy.
2. Jealousy is rooted in distortions. 99% of the time what we are jealous about is based upon something we created rather than actual reality. "They are prettier than me so happier," or "They are more successful than me so are better at what they do," are beliefs not based in reality. The fact is, is there are lots of angles to a person and their situation. It takes a long relationship with a person to understand their full story. One strength doesn't mean someone's whole life/career/relationship is better than yours.
3. Jealousy is a form of idealization. Most of the times when we are jealous of someone, we are idealizing them. Recognizing our idealization and bringing human qualities back into the person can help us to manage our insecurities. No one is perfect, by nature being a human means there are struggles.
4. Understanding your sibling dynamics can help you manage your jealousy. While having a sibling can be great, research shows us that it's also hard. When someone has a sibling, they have someone to compare themselves too. Jealousy is a natural part of a sibling relationship since both people are competing for their parent's attention and affection. Understanding what your sibling triggers in you will help you understand what things you find most vulnerable.
5. Accept your limitations. As Americans it is very hard to accept we have limitations. However, in doing so, you can save yourself agonizing moments of being jealous. You can't do, be, or become everything. You have limitations, and that's fine.
6. Try your hardest to be who you are rather than who you think you "should" be. If the "should" is hard to shake get professional help. The sooner you do, the more secure you will feel.
7. Stop leveling the playing field. Many people desperately try to keep things equal in their relationships. They bring themselves down when they notice they have a strength someone else is lacking or are extra hard on themselves when someone else is better at something. Try to be more okay with moments where things feel uneven.
Jealousy is very painful because it is frequently connected to shame we feel about ourselves. However, by admitting you have it and being aware of it, you can feel more in control.
2. Jealousy is rooted in distortions. 99% of the time what we are jealous about is based upon something we created rather than actual reality. "They are prettier than me so happier," or "They are more successful than me so are better at what they do," are beliefs not based in reality. The fact is, is there are lots of angles to a person and their situation. It takes a long relationship with a person to understand their full story. One strength doesn't mean someone's whole life/career/relationship is better than yours.
3. Jealousy is a form of idealization. Most of the times when we are jealous of someone, we are idealizing them. Recognizing our idealization and bringing human qualities back into the person can help us to manage our insecurities. No one is perfect, by nature being a human means there are struggles.
4. Understanding your sibling dynamics can help you manage your jealousy. While having a sibling can be great, research shows us that it's also hard. When someone has a sibling, they have someone to compare themselves too. Jealousy is a natural part of a sibling relationship since both people are competing for their parent's attention and affection. Understanding what your sibling triggers in you will help you understand what things you find most vulnerable.
5. Accept your limitations. As Americans it is very hard to accept we have limitations. However, in doing so, you can save yourself agonizing moments of being jealous. You can't do, be, or become everything. You have limitations, and that's fine.
6. Try your hardest to be who you are rather than who you think you "should" be. If the "should" is hard to shake get professional help. The sooner you do, the more secure you will feel.
7. Stop leveling the playing field. Many people desperately try to keep things equal in their relationships. They bring themselves down when they notice they have a strength someone else is lacking or are extra hard on themselves when someone else is better at something. Try to be more okay with moments where things feel uneven.
Jealousy is very painful because it is frequently connected to shame we feel about ourselves. However, by admitting you have it and being aware of it, you can feel more in control.
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