Turning A Negative Mindset Into A Positive One Starts With A 'Fresh Start' Journal

So you want to begin turning your negative beliefs around. Here is how to begin, buy yourself a notebook that is small enough to carry around comfortably during your daily life. On the front of the book, write "A Fresh Start". This book will be your best friend and will be your go-to guide when things get tough during your recovery.

 Keeping track of the positives in your day is very easy to forget. A good example of this was during the first few weeks of my recovery, I remember clients and co-workers at my tennis club that I was working at noticing and sharing with me how my body language was changing, in fact it was quite a common occurrence. By the end of the day, though, what do you think were the things I remembered? You guessed it; anything that happened that didn't support my progress. For example, the one person that morning that told me I looked like hell in a joking tone.

Why only recap the negative experiences of the day just before going to sleep rather than the positive ones? The reason is because I was still in a very sensitive mental and physical state, and the habit of thinking negatively would take time to be replaced. Every single evening, just before going to bed, set your timer to five minutes and write down all of your positive experiences throughout the day.

Write it as if you were writing a note to someone, and I mean all of them down to the smallest thing. Don't forget to time yourself, or else you may find yourself falling short at the beginning. It could start with, 'today my day started off with my amazing affirmations which gave me tremendous confidence, and then I remember Joe telling me how cool my new tennis shoes were which made me feel really hip and with the times, then I gave an old friend a lift to his house where we had a great conversation about our kids and how we should set up our play dates'. The great thing about this exercise was after a few weeks of writing about the great experiences I had during the day, I started to sleep like a baby, and waking up way less grumpy. I looked forward to the evening when I could write in my book again, and sometimes five minutes didn't seem long enough to get it all down. The benefits of actually paying attention to the positives are innumerable, and before you know it, you will be a much more positive person in every aspect of your life.

What Sex Addiction Isn't

Often, when something isn't well understood or has been buried in misconceptions by popular culture, it can be helpful to talk about what it is not so people can grasp what it is.

Sex addiction is one of those things that has plenty of cultural baggage attached to it. Given that it's a real, serious problem, it could do without some of the assumptions attached to it, not only to give sex addicts some relief, but to make it easier for those who think they may be sex addicts to get help.

People tend to trivialize addiction in everyday speech, making light of how much they like something by saying they're addicted to it. Even if it's alcohol, people who've been enjoying the high life for a bit of time joke about being alcoholics. The same applies to sex addicts, only the reference usually comes with a barb or two. In addition to calling a person a slut or whore, sometimes the accusation of "sex addict," will get tossed around, usually at someone who's been perceived as more promiscuous than they should be. The nature of this level of chatter isn't important, but the fact that the words sex addict are used to wound with little knowledge as to what a true addict is, is key.

Compulsive sexual behavior is also used as a marketing tool for pornography, only the word of choice there is "nymphomaniac" or just "nympho." The illusion they're selling is that of women with insatiable sex appetites, which appeals to certain, mostly male, sexual desires. The reality to anyone familiar with it is that "nymphomania," or sex addiction, is far from sexy.

Someone in this position is not a person who enjoys lots of sex. Nor is an addict one who enjoys "kinky," sex. Owning a lot of sex toys, having many partners, being open about sex, none of these things equal a sex addict. People who commit sex crimes are likewise not always, or even in most cases, sex addicts. Setting the law and personal preferences aside for a moment, there's no right or wrong way to enjoy sex. How much one has is up to them, and how they have it is their decision to make.
Sex addicts do not necessarily enjoy sex anymore than the next person. That's not why they do what they do. When a person has sex, they feel good because the brain has produced a series of chemicals that reward them for the act. Bad feelings fall by the wayside, a person feels content and accomplished, at least for a short period of time. Any sex act can trigger this. To the brain, sex with another person, watching porn, and masturbating are all the same.

Those addicted to sex need these chemicals in the same way a drug addict needs their drug of choice or an alcoholic needs alcohol. Not only is it their only tool for managing bad feelings, but their tolerance to the chemicals builds up and they need to engage in their behavior to feel normal. Like other addicts, those addicted to sex experience withdrawal symptoms and can rationalize their behavior to themselves.

That ability to rationalize is key, as it relates to another key component of addiction: Continuing despite negative consequences. We talked a bit earlier about some sexual habits people might have. Let's take a promiscuous person who enjoys kinky sex as an example. If their behavior makes them happy and doesn't cause them any problems, they're not addicts. Now, if they were missing work to have sex or putting themselves in danger, they might be sex addicts.

We say "might," because anyone can encounter problems with sex. Some might even see a sexual misadventure as part of life (Like a car crash. Not good, but they happen). Having these misadventures repeatedly while trying in vain to stop the behavior that causes them is a big indicator for addiction.

There are a lot of lists out there showing the criteria for this, but they all boil down to three things: A need to engage in sexual behavior, bad results from the behavior, and an inability to stop the behavior despite wanting to, and despite the negative consequences.

We mentioned sex crimes earlier, as well as other sexual behaviors some might deem outside the norm. We're not trying to equate the two, but while neither is a red flag for sex addiction, they can also be present in those addicted to sex. Prosecution for a sex crime is certainly a negative consequence of sexual behavior, a person addicted to sex who's had the problem for a while may well have had to increase the frequency or extremity of their behavior to achieve the same affect as before.

Finding The Right Group For Therapy

Admitting that one has a sex addiction can be difficult, and many feel it's a one-time event. They envision themselves or others saying "I am a sex addict," and then the healing begins. Well, it's not that simple or easy. Nothing with this addiction is. Coming to grips with sex addiction is a process and an important step is fitting in to a therapy group.

Attending group therapy can be daunting for many reasons. Walking into that room, sitting in that circle of chairs, facing other people who are battling the same addiction, all that can add up to make a person feel like "one of those people." People they never thought they'd be and can hardly believe they are now. Many addicts go through a number of false starts on group therapy, leaving after a few sessions or flitting from group to group.

Addicts who are first time group therapy attendees are very much in the grip of their addiction, and the brain mechanisms defending the problem are still at work. Sex addicts have a host of reasons for avoiding group therapy. Maybe they don't think they fit in with the other members. Perhaps they feel their problems are on a different level. It might be the people, either. Some groups use religion heavily in their discussions which turns many people away. For some addicts, group therapy is also where they come face to face with the fact that some battle sex addiction their entire lives, leaving them to wonder if group therapy works, or is worth it.

While often these are just excuses brought on by shame and other feelings, it could very well be a particular group of people just doesn't jibe with one member. Having to embrace religion is a personal journey in its own right, and it simply won't help people who feel they're being converted in exchange for help. An addict should feel free to try about a half dozen different groups, but anymore than that and they should consider the possibility that the problem isn't with the group.
A number of organizations sponsor sex addiction treatment groups. Each has a different tone.

Sexaholics Anonymous

Based off Alcoholics Anonymous, this group has a definition of sexual sobriety for its members. No sex outside of marriage, and no sex with the self. It also defines marriage as between one man and one woman, making it problematic for many people.

Sex Addicts Anonymous

This group stresses the "anonymous" part of their name, and screens members before giving them meeting times and locations. It's open to all, and requires each member to define sobriety for themselves.

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous

In short, the non-physical side of sex also produces addictive brain chemicals, like the physical side. People can be addicted to seeking new relationships and flirting. This group has members identify "bottom line" behaviors, which can include emotions and thoughts as well as physical actions.

Sexual Compulsive Anonymous

Homosexual and bisexual men make up most of this group, but more heterosexuals and women are joining. Like some other group's we've mentioned, it encourages healthy sexual expression over repression.
This list is not exhaustive, but those above cover the general types of groups one can find. There are also groups for couples and the souses of those addicted to sex.

Treatment for Bipolar Disorder: Can Relaxation Help?

Treatment for bipolar disorder comes in many different forms and may vary depending on your individual needs. Each person may benefit from different techniques, and that might include relaxation - a surprising method thought to assist with treating the mental illness.

What is Bipolar Disorder?

It is a mental illness marked by extreme periods of highs and lows (also referred to as manic-depressive disorder). Symptoms of the disorder may include mood swings, depression, anxiety, violence, risky behavior, extreme irritability, poor concentration and reckless impulses.
There are several types the disorder including Bipolar I (severe episodes), Bipolar II (milder episodes) and Rapid-Cycling (when four or more mood episodes occur within a single year).

There is no cure, but treatment for bipolar disorder can help clients living with the illness to lead healthy and productive lives. Left untreated, bipolar disorder may be potentially detrimental due to actions that may take place as a result of the symptoms. It is not uncommon for untreated individuals to find themselves in trouble with the law, victims of violence, out of work, or having problems with their personal relationships.

Relaxation as a Treatment for Bipolar Disorder

Stress is one of the major triggers for symptoms of bipolar disorder just as it is for a number of other mental and physical health ailments. Managing stress via relaxation may be one simple, affordable and effective treatment for bipolar disorder. Relaxation can help in battling negative thoughts and feelings, calming down when in a manic mode, reducing irritability and developing better sleeping patterns.

Some great relaxation method techniques include yoga, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, tai chi and breathing exercises. Less demanding actions can also be taken to achieve relaxation, such as journaling, enjoying a massage, or listening to relaxing music. Individuals may even find that they have their own personal activities that relax them effectively, such as gardening. Letting go of stress and unwinding to relax may be challenging at first, but relaxation is something that gets easier with frequency as is the case with many other activities.

Treatment Strategies

Treatment for bipolar disorder includes various types of psychotherapy, such as group therapy, family therapy and one-on-one therapy, and prescription medication such as lithium, antidepressants and antipsychotics. Lesser-known treatments that may supplement efforts include proper nutrition, exercise and dietary supplements. What works for one person may not work for another; the methods for treatment are determined on a case-by-case basis and with respect to the needs of each client.

 

The Power Of Auto-Suggestion Over Fear And Anxiety

More and more professional athletes these days are understanding the benefits of tapping into their subconscious mind. Look at Ray Lewis, an all-star line backer in football. Every pre-game he repeatedly uses auto-suggestion in an unbelievably convincing way. He does this to ramp up his team-mates so that they get into a peak state before the football game starts. It's not just once in a while, he does it during the intros, the warm up, during the game, and after the game. The man has conditioned himself and his teammates to become completely fearless; it's incredible to watch.

What about Muhammad Ali? He created so much fear in his opponents and had an amazing record not because he was the hardest puncher, but because he continuously installed his subconscious mind with auto-suggestion continuously in a way that was scary! Some of the suggestions he used over and over again were: "I'm gonna show you how great I am," and "float like a butterfly, sting like a bee."

Auto suggestion, if used correctly, becomes our reality, and there's plenty of proof to support it! I remember my former doubles partner from Quebec named Francois, who I nicknamed "war." He had a decent overall tennis game and was one of the toughest and most intense junior tennis players I had ever met in my life. He became a Canadian National Junior champion by intimidating his opponents (including me) with sheer intensity and willpower. On one occasion, I remember we were 30 minutes away from taking the court for our junior doubles final match. I heard a screaming coming from the boys locker room, so I went in to see what the issue was. There was this 14-year-old boy screaming into the mirror over and over again: "ALLEZ FRANCOIS, ALLEZ FRANCOIS!"

Now, I didn't know much French, but I knew that allez meant "come on" in an encouraging way in French. I tapped him on the shoulder and asked, "Are you OK?" He looked at me and with a huge smile. "Not yet!" We eventually won our doubles match and the junior doubles title in Canada. That day, I learned one of Francois's secrets to being such a tough competitor: auto-suggestion. It wasn't just the word Allez; later on in our junior tennis days he would say all sorts of sentences in French over and over again into the mirror, and since I would be scared for my life if I was in the room with him I would quickly exit and let him be.

The path to my own full recovery from life-altering anxiety is best explained again through one of Muhammad Ali's great quotes: "It isn't the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out, it's the pebble in your shoe." The pebble in my shoe was fear, so the best thing you can do if you suffer from phobias, anxiety, panic attacks or any other fear related mental difficulty is to add auto-suggestion into your daily life, and if put into action consistently with great emotion behind them you just might start convincing yourself that what you're affirming really is the truth!

The Top 4 Ways To Get A Woman To Orgasm

There are 4 proven ways to bring a woman to orgasm. It is very important and should go without saying that women need foreplay and the building of anticipation to get their "juices flowing".
The biggest disservice that the porn industry has done to couples is present male fantasy as reality.
The truth is women need long bouts of foreplay of at least 15-20 minutes and the building of anticipation to get them ready for mind blowing orgasms.

With that out of the way let's focus on the 4 methods.

1) Stimulating the clitoris.

For most women it is impossible to orgasm without this stimulation so we should focus a big part of our attention here. Slow even pressure with either the tongue or fingers will get the best results here.

2) Using your tongue.

Cunnilingus is the best method to get a woman ready to orgasm. Using the tongue on the clitoris as well as the next 2 areas with discuss will get results.

3) Stimulating the G spot.

It amazes me how few women have had proper G spot stimulation. This is obviously a must for intense achieving orgasms.

4) Stimulating the A spot.
The A spot is actually more of an area than a spot. This is one of the least understood areas and yet when properly stimulated it is actually one of the most sensitive that gets the best results. When stimulated in conjunction with the other areas women can reach the most intense orgasms that they have never even imagined.

When worked properly it is very common to hear a woman scream like she never has before and follow that with, "wow, that was intense".

This is why it is crucial to learn to combine multiple techniques that stimulate all these areas in combination. The effect on your sex life will be huge.

In fact this is one of the best ways to get your woman hooked on having sex with you.
The best way to get the most out of these areas is never to tell a woman in advance what you will be doing as it will kill any anticipation that you are trying to build. Remember anticipation is key to making the magic happen.

So what do I suggest? Start small involving one area at a time until you build experience and your own understanding and confidence. Fromthere you should work to begin combining 2 and then 3 areas.

The results will be worth it.

The Shift in Relationships: How to Be a STRONG Woman in Love

Relationships are shifting. We don't have relationships the same way our parents did and we certainly don't have relationships as our grandparents did.

Men and women will always be different, but evolution has forced us over the centuries to change the way men and women relate, couple, and choose to be monogamous or not. Divorce has allowed women to get out of oppressive relationships and choose a different way to support themselves.

As relationships are changing, then the ideal relationship also changes. A while back you got married to unite families and properties, that was the ideal. Now we have an ideal of "romantic" love through marriage because of hollywood and also because we are moving into love from spiritual places, not just about survival and pooling our resources. If you think about relationships in the caveman era... it was ALL about pooling resources. And women back then were the main providers because they did all the gathering of the everyday foods, nuts, seeds, berries, vegetables etc. The men only got the hunt every other occasion. The women were the source of 80% of the food. With evolution women took the background as men started to be dominant in providing resources through technology and through controlling women in marriage so the men could track who was the mother of their babies... and just because the whole world become about control. The stranglehold of control is what is starting to shift on our planet. Big time.

Take a look at our economy folks, we are swinging back to women becoming the providers. Helen Fisher, an anthropologist expert on love has pointed out how women today are coming back to the center of driving the economy. Women are becoming stronger because they are more central in gathering resources, in making choices about our daily lives and taking leadership roles in our governments and communities.

Love experts have said that a strong woman is intimidating to a man, while others say a woman needs to create the nurturing space for the relationship, to be being the "soil" for the man to plant his seed and grow. I don't think this gets to where we are arriving at with the shift in relationships. I think a deeper evolutionary process is happening where we are questioning the biological roles of men and women and exploring how to actually shift these roles, so that both men and women can be aware of their masculine and feminine bodies and hormones AND have more choice in relationships, more choice in how to love and more choice in creating the ideal love that they are looking. I know when my mother got married, she didn't think of any of those things! She was thinking, what a nice hunk, I hope he picks me!

The freedom women have now in relationships, means we need to take our dreams and ideals about relationships to a NEW place. Being a strong woman has been said to be a challenge to a man, but throughout history strong women have been necessary for survival and for keeping families together. Strong women are the ones who recognize that relationships are not what we think they are, but rather what we CREATE within the family and with their love partner.

The reason we are experiencing relationship "breakdowns" is not just because we do not want to "work" on the relationship, but rather the relationship itself is allowing us to access every wound, hurt, question about love we have been born to experience. You may find yourself with a great guy or a wonderful woman, but the relationship doesn't take off because a part of you is still resolving a hurt in love or deciding what exactly is the love you want to create. You may be staying with a certain person in a relationship not for ANY logical reason, but simply because your soul has made an agreement to be with that person. So our logical mind may question the relationship constantly, but the soul knows you must stay to help you learn your lesson of love and to help the other person get theirs.

Strong women are the ones who recognize that even when our romantic relationships don't work, we are still creating love at every corner. We still hold open a space for love in our lives. And we are working through centuries of expectations where women were expected to suffer through abusive relationships. But not anymore.

Women are choosing independence before suffering, because the new ideal of the shift in relationships is self realization in place of giving up the self for relationships. Women are creating choices now that will shift the planet into a world where the individual in the relationship has a voice to change the relationship for the better.

Strong women in love are the ones who stay open to the shift in relationships, because we no longer have the guarantee that any relationship will last. That does not mean that strong women do not feel the hurt of a relationship breaking down. In fact, it means we become more emotionally stronger to take separation and hurt and loss into our hearts and heal and look at all the unresolved hurts that we have experienced in love, not just this life - but for all the lives you have ever lived. I know my mother did not have the opportunity to resolve her hurt in her relationship. So I also spend time giving thanks to her. In spite of feeling trapped, unable to express herself and feeling not loved, my mother taught me to be free, independent and strong.

Strong women, teach other women and men how to be hurt and still love in spite of the hurt, to give instead of going into "what's in it for me". Imagine what the world will be like when we finally shift out of feeling trapped in our choices of love, life and relationships and start healing those old wounds. This shift in relationships is asking to lift every unturned stone and see what remains unloved and love it until we can be free of any suffering.