What Is the Disorder Knows As Sex Addiction

Sex addiction is a growing problem with damaging effects. It is a disease, it is a mental, spiritual, psychological, emotional and physical malady. Because of the sexual nature of the addiction it is not widely or openly discussed. Therefore, many people suffer with their addiction in silence.

According to The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health, "sexual addiction is a persistent and escalating pattern or patterns of sexual behaviors acted out despite increasingly negative consequences to self or others."

Some of these sexual behaviors include masturbation, watching pornography, engaging in cyber sex, engaging in phone sex, going out to strip clubs, hiring prostitutes or engaging in prostitution, sex with multiple anonymous partners and repeated sequential affairs, to name a few.

While at first glance, this addiction may seem like a moral problem, it is clear that it is also a real medical condition. This is evidenced by a draft released in 2010 by the American Psychiatric Association which recognizes it as a medical disorder which they formally call "Hypersexual Disorder." The draft lists the following as symptoms of the disorder:

The addicted individual spends "Excessive time consumed by sexual fantasies and urges, and by planning for and engaging in sexual behavior." This is called the obsession part of the disease. The person thinks about, daydreams about and is always planning on how to get their next "fix".

"Repetitively engaging in these sexual fantasies, urges and behavior in response to dysphoric mood states (e.g., anxiety, depression, boredom, irritability)." This is called the compulsion. The addict can't get enough, they need more of their drug to be satisfied.

"Repetitively engaging in sexual fantasies, urges and behavior in response to stressful life events." This part of the obsession takes place when triggers are created, when life becomes too stressful, the addict does not know how to properly feel or emote so they use their sex addiction to medicate their feelings.

"Repetitive but unsuccessful efforts to control or significantly reduce these sexual fantasies, urges and behavior." Many addicts realize they have a problem and want to stop, on their own, this won't happen. It's a disease and much like cancer, you can't just realize you have cancer and say I'll stop having cancer. Help is mandatory in dealing with this addiction.

"Repetitively engaging in sexual behavior while disregarding the risk for physical or emotional harm to self or others." Who in their right mind would engage in behaviors that are harmful to self or others? a sick person is the answer and since the sex addict is suffering and struggling with a disease, they need help.

Sex addiction resembles other addiction in many ways. For one, the brain chemistry changes are similar. Family background of addiction is prevalent in sex addicts as well as in alcoholics and drug addicts. Additionally, addicts in general report having come from homes that lacked nurturing. In most cases the addicts reported abusive backgrounds including emotional, physical and sexual abuses. They also report having been from family environments where neglect, abandonment and enmeshment were commonplace. Finally, many sex addicts suffer from other addictions. Because of these similarities to drug and alcohol addiction, the consequences and treatment options are very similar.

As you would imagine, this addiction comes with serious consequences in all areas of the lives of sex addicts including social, emotional, physical, legal, financial/occupational and spiritual. As such, recovery from sex addiction can be a lifelong challenge. However, there is hope for sex addicts. They have to take the first step and commit to recovery. Once an addict has made that commitment, there are a number of recovery options available, including counseling, individual and group therapy and all inclusive sexual addiction recovery programs.

Sex Addiction Recovery and Why I Should Follow The 12 Steps

The main reason you should follow a 12 step program to treat sex addiction is because such programs, based on techniques pioneered by Alcoholics Anonymous, have been known to work. That said, unfortunately there is little in the way of solid, scientific data showing recovery rates on people who went through a 12 step program.

Part of the reason for this is because each 12 step group is different. Alcoholics Anonymous published its 12 step program in 1939, and since then the basic template has been refined and adapted to treat other compulsive behaviors including sex addiction, drugs, gambling, etc. They all involve a person admitting they have no control over their behavior and turning their life over to a higher power, thus becoming more introspective.

Each "S" programs is a little different in how they suggest members work their recovery but they all follow the same 12 step model pioneered by Alcoholics Anonymous. Working a program of recovery has been proven to help calm the obsessions and compulsions of active sex addiction. Studies tend not to distinguish between people who went to a few meetings and left and those who stuck with it. There is anecdotal evidence to suggest 12 steps work, or at the very least are better than nothing. Still, a person looking for experts to agree that it works, or even a consensus on how well, is going to be disappointed.

Critics of 12 steps programs cite a 5 percent success rate, while groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous have argued success to be closer to 50 percent, and 25 percent after relapses. The debate has gone on for years, since the early 1940s, with proponents touting success and critics claiming their information is misleading and designed to bolster a treatment industry.

So why should a sex addict bother if even the experts can't agree on whether a 12 step program works or not? According to http://www.hazelden.org, a 1998 study done on 12 step alcoholic programs showed the program does have an effect on people whose social networks supported their drinking habit. This would indicate that the people surrounding the addicts had influence over their behavior.
A 12 step program puts a sex addict in a group that is not going to facilitate their addictive behavior. The addict will also be able to see other people with an addiction and compare their life to the others, perhaps realizing something they did not before. It will put the sex addict in contact with people who have reported recovery so they can see there is hope. It also lets a sex addict learn from others, using their techniques for dealing with urges and addressing problems in their life.

As previous articles explained, one component of the 12 step program is forcing a sex addict to look at their own life and behaviors. Step 4 of the 12 steps involve the addict taking an inventory of their life, behaviors, thoughts and actions and showing it to someone else, someone they trust. This is especially helpful for people who are not normally very introspective or self-conscious. A 12 step program makes a sex addict take a look at themselves from different angles, and once an addict does that they can often find ways to manage their addiction.

It should be noted that a sex addict is going to have to define success for themselves, and that they may carry with them their entire lives some behaviors learned from the 12 step program, namely the self-examination aspects. For the program to work, the addict program needs to stick to it; someone looking to be "cured" quickly is likely to be disappointed.

Sex Addiction Rehab: A Look At Recovery Options

Many places in the United States offer rehab programs for sex addiction; however, what each provider offers can vary. They range in affordability, but even the most cost-effective can pose a financial burden. So be sure to research each one carefully and seek recommendations from more than one therapist.

There are differences between in and out-patient rehab. Inpatient rehab is intensive and involves the sex addict being removed completely from their normal life for a period of time. Outpatient rehab programs can range in length from two to twelve weeks, during which time the addicts are under professional supervision. The idea is to remove them from sexual materials and behaviors to give them time to recalibrate their lives.

Unlike alcohol or drug addiction treatment, sex addiction therapy does not seek to eliminate sex from a person's life. Instead the goal is to bring the behaviors under control, to where they are not causing problems in the person's life. To do this, however, a period of sexual abstinence is involved. This removes the addict from the cycle they have become wrapped in, and it does so with methods beyond the addict's willpower. In some programs, addicts are monitored by professionals and other addicts who are assigned as partners to newer patients. These partners are farther along in treatment and are where they can provide guidance and support as well as accountability.

These rehab programs involve a stay at some sort of facility; however the addict is not there 24 hours a day. Some facilities have the patient stay there the bulk of the day, while they commute home or stay in a nearby hotel or some other form of accommodation.

The time spent at the facility is used to get the sex addict back on track so they can continue rehab on their own. They do not have access to the Internet, pornography, or other sexual materials. Professionals there can use medications and other techniques to inhibit sexual behavior if necessary. Meanwhile, addicts are taught replacement behavior therapy and replacement thought therapy. They attend group counseling and are introduced to a 12-step program. The abstinence period pulls the addict from the sex addiction cycle and allows the treatment techniques to take root.

Once the stay at the facility is complete, the sex addict will likely attend routine group meetings to track their progress. At this stage, many programs will start to involve the patient's loved ones who will provide support. Some programs bring family and spouses in sooner.

Other rehab programs are strictly in-patient, where the sex addict sleeps at the facility. These tend to be for patients with severe levels of addiction, or whose behaviors place themselves and others at risk.

Before enrolling, it is essential to make certain the facility has proper credentials. Get references and look to see if a program has clearly defined goals. A patient will want to focus on getting better in a timely manner, as stays in programs can incur a heavy cost. Be sure to remember there is no quick fix for sex addiction. Time and commitment are key, and expect to have a list of goals to be met within certain time parameters.

 

 

Sex Addiction Treatment Facilities - How Do They Provide Care?

A sex addiction treatment facility is a place where sex addicts go when they require intensive rehabilitation for their addiction. Many carry names such as "facility," "center," or "institute," and can be found throughout the United States and throughout the world. Some have been around since at least the 1980s and began as alcohol addiction treatment centers, then branched out to treat other forms of addiction, such as drugs, sex and gambling.

A comprehensive sex addiction treatment facility can offer inpatient and outpatient programs. Inpatient rehab generally involves periods of sexual abstinence and supervision that directs sex addicts towards therapy and other treatment programs. Patients may stay at the facility full time, or spend the bulk of their time there for a period of weeks.

These treatment facilities can also offer meeting space for therapy groups or individuals seeing a licensed therapist. Some are attached to universities or hospitals, and may, with a patient's consent, conduct research on the addiction in order to hone treatment methods and understand the problem better. Compared to other aspects of human physiology, sexuality has been lightly studied and many areas are still poorly understood by the general public and even by some professionals.

A person can be referred to a facility in a number of ways. They may decide their addiction is at a level where inpatient rehab is needed and seek the facility out themselves over the telephone or Internet. Facilities have screening processes designed to see if a person is in need of its services, and if not, can direct them to a better place. Many times a sex addict seeks out a therapist who will refer his or her patient to a treatment facility if the addiction is severe enough or causing immediate, damaging problems.

In the most severe cases, a person can be sent to a specialized treatment facility, or a facility with sex addiction treatment programs, as per a court order. Sadly many do not seek treatment for their addiction until after their behavior has run them afoul of the law. In some states, a court can assign a stay at such a facility as part of a required treatment program. For these patients, there is an added impetus to complete the program and do well, because the alternative can be incarceration.
Some insurance plans will cover the cost of a stay at a treatment facility. Depending on the facility, the cost can be a few hundred dollars per day, or more for the "higher end" locations. Some online facilities quote prices at around $37,000 per month.

It should be noted that not all experts agree on what sex addiction is, or that it can be called an addiction, or even that it exists. Critics of the addiction treatment industry claim it's a booming business. With the high profile that addiction to sex has been given in recent years by celebrities and the media, it is understandable that more and more treatment centers and therapy centers are opening up. This is why it is important to be careful when looking at treatment facilities. Do some research on your own, talk to more than one physician, and make sure the facility you select has goal oriented programs that are not seeking long, expensive stays when they may not be necessary. Like any treatable ailment, people with this addiction need to be wary when seeking help and take an active role in their own recovery.

How Men Become Porn Addicts

There are many reasons why a man might become a porn addict. Pornography addiction is more widely reported among males than females. The reason for a particular person's porn addiction often needs to be considered more than the addiction itself. So what are some reasons why a man might become a pornography addict?

With the advent of high speed Internet, personal devices and the ease of access, it is easier than ever to access pornographic images and find exactly what you're looking for. Watching pornography is rather widely accepted in the Western male culture - gone are the days of subscribing to porn magazines, and hiding them from spouses. It is simple to click onto a porn website, view the images, and quickly close the web browser. This easy access can spiral into addiction for some people, especially those who may have an abundance of free time or a lack of strong interpersonal romantic or sexual bonds.

Men often feel it is difficult to meet attractive women. They may lack the self-confidence to frequent bars, clubs, and community events to find a desirable woman. Insecure men may think such a woman might be unapproachable, may never respond to them, or that a relationship would be next to impossible. Pornography is a seemingly perfect solution to this purported problem; attractive women, with no risk of rejection or the possibility of an unhappy ending to a relationship. To some, the very one-sided aspect of pornography makes the so-called relationship safe and useful to the viewer, and to others this "safe" relationship mirrors what is often lacking in a real relationship.

Men may also feel their sex lives are boring, and are convinced pornography will spice things up. They may introduce new practices and techniques into the relationship with their partners. However, as often is the case, these new techniques prove unsatisfying and their sexual satisfaction unfulfilled, This disappointment leads to more and more hours spent watching pornography in search of more ways to breathe new life into a sex life otherwise viewed as boring and monotonous.

Some porn addicts have odd sexual fantasies long before they begin watching porn, and often prefer fulfilling these fantasies by watching porn videos, rather than to dare reveal these illusions to another human being. They may feel safer and less exposed living out the fantasy alone, especially if the fantasy is particularly violent or perverse. Otherwise they may just feel it is easier to fulfill their fantasy through pornography rather than revealing the hidden desire and potentially complicating a relationship.

For whatever the reason a particular man becomes a porn addict, it is important for him to get help when he feels ready for it. Help is available through individual or group therapy and Twelve-Step programs, which are especially valuable when it comes to forming a strong support network to help throughout the recovery process. Whichever method the suffering addicts choses to employ, admitting the problem exists, and seeking help are the first steps to a successful recovery from porn addiction.

What Is The Difference Between Intrusive and Exploitative Sex Addiction

Of the many forms sex addiction can take, the most harmful both to the addict and their victims has to be intrusive and exploitative sex addiction. It is important to note that not all sex addiction drives people to commit criminal acts, or that such behavior is a given part of the progression. A person addicted to masturbation and pornography is not predestined to escalate the behavior to groping strangers or worse.

First we should discuss the difference between intrusive and exploitative sex addiction. Each, when they rise to the level of addiction, are behaviors being used to provoke a response in the brain that triggers reward chemicals and helps the addict suppress any negative emotions. The addict cannot control their behavior, despite facing harmful consequences.

Intrusive sex generally involves groping, touching in inappropriate ways, frottage, or the invasion of personal space. It can happen in a variety of forms, ranging from subtle to overt. The physical act of touching a person in a sexual manner triggers the desired response in the brain, and as the behavior continues it can escalate in frequency and overtness.

In an early stage, the sex addict will be subtle about the touches. They can begin as non-sexual touching, perhaps on the shoulder, as a way to "test the waters," or work up the courage to go further. More intrusive touching can come in the form of "accidental" touching. For example, a sex addict may brush their hand against another's buttocks after casually arranging to bump into them.

This behavior can occur with people the addict knows, or it can happen with strangers in crowded public places. Subway cars are a common location for this, as people often find themselves standing closer to strangers than they normally would. The transitory and public nature of the environment also affords the opportunity for the groper to make a getaway, or go off completely undetected. While this does not approach a full sexual assault, victims of this behavior may not be eager to call attention to it in a crowded public place, especially if they are alone.

This behavior is, of course, illegal and in most places considered a serious sex crime. While not the most serious of sex crimes, it rises above the level of exhibitionism (flashing, exposing one's self) and voyeurism (Peeping Toms), and can get the perpetrator convicted and placed on the sex offender registry. This can have a far-reaching, long-term impact on a person's life, and unfortunately treatment for it often doesn't come through the corrections' system until after the damage is done.

Exploitative sex includes more extreme behaviors than intrusive sex. Rape and molestation fall into this category, but the real distinction involves the power dynamic between the person with this form of addiction and the victim. The abuser can occupy a position of power in the victim's life, being a boss, parent, clergy, teacher, caretaker, or abusive partner. As a sex addiction, exploitative sex is one of the most damaging to the victim, more so than to the addict whose needs are being fulfilled. Getting treatment for this addiction can be difficult, since most perpetrators who end up with the treatment get it only after the legal system has taken over.

The term sex offender is likely to be used more than addict. Not all sex offenders may have sex addiction, but because of the nature of the actions it can be a difficult line to distinguish.

Setting Your Bottom Line In Sex Addiction Recovery

The process of recovery from sex addiction is long and challenging. Part of the recovery process involves setting your "bottom line." Setting a bottom line is a common concept in recovery from any form of addiction. The process of setting a bottom line isn't necessarily a conscious one, but each addict will come to recognize or understand his or her bottom line throughout the recovery process. It can be useful to break up a bottom line into three separate parts: red light, yellow light and green light.

Red light behaviors are sexual behaviors that are destructive, addictive and lead to sexual preoccupation and out-of-control behaviors. These include behaviors where even one instance could lead to serious consequences such as arrest, transmission of HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases, loss of job and loss of a primary relationship. Red light behaviors also include any behavior that "makes you crazy" or starts a sexually compulsive acting-out cycle. These are behaviors that an addict must commit not to engage in, making them, his or her bottom line. Red light behaviors will differ from one sex addict to another, and each addict must discover and commit to on his or her own.

Yellow light behaviors can be broken down into two separate categories: boundary behaviors and caution behaviors. Boundary behaviors are those that you cannot engage in, but are not as severe in their consequence as red light behaviors. Again, these behaviors will be different for each sex addict.

A common example of a boundary behavior might be viewing pornography on the Internet. Caution behaviors are those that you made the decision not to give up. However, you are still aware that they need to be monitored to prevent them from spiraling out of control. A common one may be masturbation. Again, each person will have different caution behaviors.. Yellow light behaviors can really go either way for a recovering sex addict. Some sex addicts may need to stay away from masturbation completely, while others may find it to be a healthy activity if closely self-monitored. The key with yellow light behaviors, both boundary and caution, is to know yourself and be able to recognize when your behaviors are close to getting out of control.

Green light behaviors are the behaviors on which you really should be focusing your energy in your daily life on the road to recovery from sex addiction. These behaviors include establishing healthy relationships, dating and engaging in healthy sexual behaviors with a partner. Work on making green light behaviors the focus of your energies each day and over time you will not even think about the yellow and red behaviors. The more you engage in your new healthy lifestyle, the more fulfilling healthy sexual behaviors will become.

It can be hard at the outset of the recovery process to know what your bottom line is, but over time you will begin to recognize what behaviors are red, yellow and green.

Sex Addiction Stereotypes

Sex addiction is a widely misunderstood disease. As a result there are many stereotypes associated with the addiction. If any progress is to be made in raising public awareness about sexual addiction, it is important to understand those stereotypes and debunk them as much as possible. Most people genuinely don't understand how someone can be addicted to sex. Many people do not have a healthy understanding of sex due to lack of education and sex used as a marketing tool. Because every healthy adult has a strong desire for sex, many people just assume that sex addiction is an excuse for reckless sexual activity.

Stereotype 1 - Only men are sex addicts.

While this is a commonly held stereotype, it simply is not true. Although there may be fewer women in treatment for sex addiction, women can be and are sex addicts. Robert Weiss, director of the Sexual Recovery Institute in Los Angeles, states that up to 12 percent of people who seek out help at the Institute are women. However, Weiss believes that many more women suffer in silence out of fear to come forward.

He suggests that "women may not address their problems with sexual addiction because media stories indicate it is a male problem, showing men engaging in behaviors like affairs, obsessive sexting and online pornography. Additionally, women may be more likely than men to respond to stress or negative emotions with addictive behaviors such as overeating, spending too much or abusing drugs or alcohol - but few research studies have explored the connection between women and sexual addiction."

Therefore it is clear that this stereotype is false and may actually cause some women to stay hidden with their addiction. It is easy to understand how a woman who is suffering from addiction would be reluctant to come forward when she believes that it is abnormal for a woman to be suffering from a stereotypically male addiction.

Stereotype 2 - Sex addiction isn't a real addiction.

There are plenty of people who think that sexual addiction isn't a legitimate addiction. Often this stereotype exists because people find it hard to believe that someone can be addicted to sex and sexual activity. Instead, they believe that these people are just lacking in morals or in the ability to control their desires. However, the medical profession is making progress in defining and outlining the symptoms of this poorly understood addiction.
It is important for people to understand that sex addiction is very similar to drug or alcohol addiction. While it is less understood by the general public, the symptoms are very similar. In fact, many sexual addiction recovery programs have adapted their 12 step program from the one used in Alcoholics Anonymous.

Stereotype 3 - Sex addicts love sex and sexual activities.

Healthy adults naturally love sex and sexual activities. It is just part of the natural order of things. A common stereotype about sex addicts is that they love sex more than normal healthy people do. The opposite is actually true. Those struggling with sex addiction actually do not enjoy sex that much and they do it out of a compulsion. They don't love it and in many cases they have a strong desire to stop the sexual activities that are driving their addiction.

People with an addiction cannot stop their behavior, even when faced with severe consequences. It is important for the public to go beyond their understanding of sex as a pleasurable activity and look at it as something that sex addicts need to continue doing to fuel their addiction. The addicts often feel a strong sense of guilt, shame and embarrassment for their actions. They are not proud of what they are doing and often go to great lengths to hide their addiction until they reach the breaking point and seek out help.

Stereotype 4 - Sexual addiction is just an excuse for inappropriate behavior.

This stereotype is often reinforced by stories that people hear. For example, say a husband has had multiple affairs, lost his job and left his family to face a devastating break-up and financial ruin. The claim is that he is a sex addict. Others who are looking at the situation tend to believe that he is just using that as an excuse for his actions. It is a common assumption and honestly one that is understandable from the viewpoint of an outsider.

However, this person has likely gone through a severe inner struggle with his addiction and come to a point where he is seeking help. While his life may be in ruins, if he seeks help he can take the first steps towards a lifelong recovery process. Some men may try to use sex addiction as an excuse for affairs, but a genuine sex addiction is real and is certainly not just an excuse for inappropriate behavior.

Recovering From Sex Addiction

Sex addiction recovery is a long and painful process. However, each step along the way is necessary for true growth and a successful lifelong recovery. The first step in any sex addict's recovery is understanding that he or she has an addiction. Until the addict accepts that he or she has an addiction, recovery cannot happen.

After a sex addict identifies his or her addiction, he or she must make a commitment to seek help. Once the decision has been made to get help, there are many avenues that addicts can take to seek recovery. These options include addiction treatment programs, cognitive behavior therapy, interpersonal therapy, group therapy and 12 step programs.

Sex Addiction Treatment Programs

Many addicts find that sex addiction treatment programs are ideal for their recovery efforts. For one, they provide in-patient treatment with a comprehensive approach to recovery. At the start of recovery, it is easier to make a clean break from compulsive behaviors if the addict is not living at home where it is easy to fall back into addictive behaviors. Most programs also allow for out-patient treatment as addicts become better equipped to handle the realities of everyday life at home.

Cognitive Behavior Therapy

Treatment for this addiction often includes cognitive behavior therapy. This type of therapy helps addicts discover the underlying causes of their addiction. A majority of sex addicts report having experienced some form of abuse or neglect as a child. Others grew up in households where one or more parents were addicts. Some report early exposure to sexual activity or pornographic materials as a gateway to later compulsive behaviors. No matter what the underlying causes of the addiction is, cognitive behavior therapy helps people identify them and then learn how to deal with them post-addiction. Therapists usually encourage recovering addicts to find an activity such as exercising to take the place of sexually addictive behaviors when the compulsion arises.

Interpersonal Therapy

Interpersonal therapy is what most people think of when they hear the word therapy. Essentially, it is talk therapy. Talking is very therapeutic, especially for addicts who are isolated and depressed. Much of the burden that addicts have been carrying around can be relieved by simply expressing their emotions to a trained therapist. Therapists also prescribe medication to help facilitate the recovery process throughout interpersonal therapy treatment.

Group Therapy and 12 Step Programs

The guilt and shame that sex addicts experience are often best treated in group therapy. Being able to hear the experiences of other addicts and share their own experiences help them understand that they are not alone. Group therapy provides a supportive and safe environment where individuals can recover from their embarrassment, shame, and guilt. 12 step programs are a common form of group therapy. They provide addicts with a structured approach to recovery in a supportive environment. These programs are modeled after the Alcoholics Anonymous program and are widespread throughout the country.

It is important to keep in mind that not every treatment option is going to be right for every individual sex addict. Everyone is different and comes to their addiction from a different set of experiences and circumstances. If you try one treatment option and are not comfortable with it after a reasonable amount of time, then there is no shame in looking elsewhere for a good fit.

Finding The Right Group For Therapy

Admitting that one has a sex addiction can be difficult, and many feel it's a one-time event. They envision themselves or others saying "I am a sex addict," and then the healing begins. Well, it's not that simple or easy. Nothing with this addiction is. Coming to grips with sex addiction is a process and an important step is fitting in to a therapy group.

Attending group therapy can be daunting for many reasons. Walking into that room, sitting in that circle of chairs, facing other people who are battling the same addiction, all that can add up to make a person feel like "one of those people." People they never thought they'd be and can hardly believe they are now. Many addicts go through a number of false starts on group therapy, leaving after a few sessions or flitting from group to group.

Addicts who are first time group therapy attendees are very much in the grip of their addiction, and the brain mechanisms defending the problem are still at work. Sex addicts have a host of reasons for avoiding group therapy. Maybe they don't think they fit in with the other members. Perhaps they feel their problems are on a different level. It might be the people, either. Some groups use religion heavily in their discussions which turns many people away. For some addicts, group therapy is also where they come face to face with the fact that some battle sex addiction their entire lives, leaving them to wonder if group therapy works, or is worth it.

While often these are just excuses brought on by shame and other feelings, it could very well be a particular group of people just doesn't jibe with one member. Having to embrace religion is a personal journey in its own right, and it simply won't help people who feel they're being converted in exchange for help. An addict should feel free to try about a half dozen different groups, but anymore than that and they should consider the possibility that the problem isn't with the group.
A number of organizations sponsor sex addiction treatment groups. Each has a different tone.

Sexaholics Anonymous

Based off Alcoholics Anonymous, this group has a definition of sexual sobriety for its members. No sex outside of marriage, and no sex with the self. It also defines marriage as between one man and one woman, making it problematic for many people.

Sex Addicts Anonymous

This group stresses the "anonymous" part of their name, and screens members before giving them meeting times and locations. It's open to all, and requires each member to define sobriety for themselves.

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous

In short, the non-physical side of sex also produces addictive brain chemicals, like the physical side. People can be addicted to seeking new relationships and flirting. This group has members identify "bottom line" behaviors, which can include emotions and thoughts as well as physical actions.

Sexual Compulsive Anonymous

Homosexual and bisexual men make up most of this group, but more heterosexuals and women are joining. Like some other group's we've mentioned, it encourages healthy sexual expression over repression.
This list is not exhaustive, but those above cover the general types of groups one can find. There are also groups for couples and the souses of those addicted to sex.

Married Sex: The Best of Your Life

Married sex can the best sex of your life because you are making love to your soul mate and not just any person. Let's face it, sex is very important in any marital relationship. As newlyweds, we may crave sex because of the physical pleasure that it brings us, but as you progress through the years in your marriage you may find that making love is more emotionally fulfilling than anything else.

Sex is a physical act that anyone can can enjoy, but making love is so much more than that. It creates an emotional and spiritual bond between you and your spouse that takes your love to the deepest level. It is one of the major steps in creating a marriage between two soul mates and not just two people.

Numerous studies over the years have shown that married couples who have sex frequently are more likely to have a long successful marriage compared to those couples who do not have sex very often. Obviously, this proves the point that married sex plays a vital role in having a solid marriage. So what are you waiting for? Get in that bedroom, or where ever enjoy making love, and express that love for your mate.

Okay, it might not be quite that easy for some of you. You may have some emotional baggage that you need to deal with either with your mate or within yourself. Let's see if we can help you work through some of these issues to improve your married sex life.

Sometimes the loss of intimacy and loss of those feelings of love and passion can be rekindled by going back to the basics. That might mean taking your spouse on a date and re-establishing those non-sexual feelings of love again. Dating your spouse might seem a bit unusual for couples who have been married a long time, but it is amazing how quickly two married partners are able to reconnect with those lost emotions. Once those emotions return married sex can become just as magical as it was in the first days after your wedding.

Just like in the early days of your relationship, romance is the key to keeping those passionate feelings alive and well in your marriage. Romance requires understanding your mate's non-sexual wants and needs. What makes them feel most loved? Is it an intimate love letter? A tender massage? Quiet talking time with them? Or some combination of all of this?

Romancing your mate is the ultimate seduction for a successful married sex life. The more you give to your mate what they want and need outside the bedroom, the more you will receive sexually. Be creative and have fun with this part of your relationship; you may want to challenge yourself to see how many different ways you can romance your mate, but be warned you may find you will be getting more sex than ever and you may need the little blue pill to keep up. Alright, that may be an exaggeration, but you can never show your mate enough love and attention.

Now let's talk about some important differences between men and women in what turns them on sexually. It is critical that you understand what turns on the opposite sex, specifically your spouse. Ladies, men are very visual. If you want to get them all hot and bothered then bring out the sexy lingerie, the bright red lipstick and strike that passionate pose. There is nothing that gets a man turned on more than bright colors, sexy clothing and a gorgeous woman, his wife, passionately pursuing him. Remember, he is visual creature so show him what you have to offer.

Also ladies, your husband loves when you are the sexually aggressive one from time-to-time. When they only get sex when they ask for it or when they make the first move, they begin to feel less fulfillment in their married sex life. They become more vulnerable to sexual flirting from the cutie at work or the neighborhood bar. Don't let this happen by taking a few simple acts of sexual aggression toward your mate. A man absolutely loves for his wife to be seductive and sexy, so bring it on ladies.

Gentlemen, your wife is very different than you when it comes to firing up the passion. Women tend to be very verbal. They want to hear how beautiful they are and how much you love them. You have to express your feelings out loud and let her hear those sweet nothings. They also want to be touched gently before the "main event" begins. Give your wife a soothing, sensual massage, then you can almost guarantee yourself a wild night of married sexual fun and fulfillment.

Your married sex life does not have to become boring or almost non-existent. Instead, it can be just as hot and steamy as it was in the newlywed days when you could never get enough of each other. Be attentive to your spouse's needs and you will find your sexual wants and desires will be fulfilled too.

 

 

Do You Know Someone With A Sex Addiction?

Sex is not a comfortable topic for many people, even though talk about it has become more open and relaxed. People may speak freely of their sexual experiences and particular taste, but what remains taboo are the sexual problems of individuals. Men find talking to their doctors about erectile dysfunction problematic, so it's not surprising that confronting another person about their possible sex addiction would be even more challenging and awkward.

Many addicts choose to seek help from a licensed professional, an expert in the field. However, sex addiction is probably a subject most comfortably discussed among family, closes friends and spouses. For the moment let's address the issue from the friend and family point of view.

Here are some signs a person you know might have a sex addiction:

1. Is their sexual behavior leading to problems?

Are pregnancy scares a common thing for them? Have they caught or transmitted an STD? Being careless about safe sex, having random sex, or having multiple partners are signs of sex addiction. These behaviors show the person has placed fulfillment of sexual needs above all other priorities. Are they putting themselves at risk for problems as a result of their sexual behavior? Sex in the workplace creates a risk of being fired, as does masturbation and viewing pornography while on the job. Even if this is done off site during a lunch hour, these activities show a lack of control and the inability to separate appropriate and inappropriate behaviors.

Some other problems not as tangible, and not as easy to see, are ones involving how much time an individual spends on sex. Oftentimes, the addict will cancel plans to go out or visit, preferring to stay in to watch porn, and/or masturbate. People with an addiction to porn will spend inordinate amounts of time watching videos and films, excluding family and friends. Have they given up hobbies they once enjoyed? Stopped going out on weekends? Maybe you used to talk to them often and they haven't been as available recently?

What might be more visible are their romantic relationships. Do they bounce from one person to another in rapid succession? Are they having a series of "one-night stands? While there is no definitive amount of time one should devote to sex, or a way to measure how much sex is "normal," if someone you know seems like he or she is only in a relationship for the sex, and have been frustrated in forming a real bond, that could be a sign of addiction.

Keep in mind one can be "addicted to love." The act of seduction and the rush of brain chemicals produced when a relationship is in its early stages can form a sex addiction. While men and women can suffer this, female sex addicts are more likely to exhibit this behavior. It may not involve actual sex, but a person who is constantly starting new relationships (sometimes before the previous one ends) or flirts excessively may be showing signs of sex addiction.

2. Do they often talk about sex?

People tend to discuss subjects of interest to them, daily occurrences or events they have experienced. Is your friend bringing up pornography often in idle conversation? Such talk between friends is normal, but note how often the individual talks about it. Does it seem like that is the only thing he or she has to discuss? Are sex and pornography the only topics that seem to peak this person's interest or gets the individual animated? It is possible that's all he or she talks about because it's all that person has to talk about. A porn addict can spend the bulk of his or her free time viewing pornography, leaving them with little else to speak of in conversation.

This can be tricky; each person is different, as is each friendship. A person addicted to sex may not talk about it, feeling shame and guilt, or they may bring it up at inappropriate times.

Note things other than speech, too. Having a poster of an attractive model in one's room is common. Having one's screen saver set to show hardcore pornography might be cause for concern. Do they have pornographic backgrounds on their mobile phones? Inappropriate ring tones? While these may be signs of mere tastelessness, they can also be signs of this addiction.

3. Have they brought up sex addiction in conversation?

Many sex addicts suffer from this addiction for a long time before suspecting they have it, and then a longer time before they stop denying it. If they've broached the subject of sex addiction, they may be testing the waters, so to speak, to see how you will react. Many sex addicts feel ashamed of themselves and keep their addiction a secret for fear they will lose friends. It's not likely they will admit to having a sex addiction, but they may ask you your opinion on it, or talk more in depth about a high profile celebrity claiming to suffer from the issue. They may even mock the notion of sex addiction, feeling you suspect them of it and wanting to alleviate your suspicions.

How you feel about sex addiction is up to you, but most people taking this approach are scared and looking for support and your reaction could affect their choice in receiving professional help.
For spouses and romantic partners, you have a more intimate knowledge of the suspected sex addict than anyone else. Some things you should look for if you suspect your significant other may be suffering from this addiction are:

· Are they becoming more demanding about sex with you?

If is fairly normal for two people in a couple to have differing libidos. It's also pretty common for sex to put a strain on a relationship. How your partner reacts to being told "no" and how insistent is he/she on the subject of sex is an example of where red flags may appear. An addict in need of a substance can become highly agitated when they don't get it. Spousal rape is a real thing, and just because they didn't coerce you into sex with force doesn't mean there wasn't a transgression. A sex addict can exploit the power dynamic in a relationship, threaten to do something negative, or withhold something from their spouse to get sex. If they've resorted to these harmful behaviors, oblivious to the emotional damage being caused, that's a sign of addiction.

· Are they going somewhere else for sex?

Being unfaithful doesn't necessarily mean your partner is a sex addict, but it is certainly one indication, especially if this isn't the first time. While this may be a sign of a troubled marriage, if the bond between you is otherwise strong, the infidelity may be sue to the addiction. An addict craves the physical act of sex, or the intoxicating feeling of a new relationship, they are not necessarily in love with the other person or not in love with you. Often, addicts aren't even interested in the act of sex, but in the repetitive behavior that leads up to the act, creating the dopamine levels the addict craves.

Remember, pornography and masturbation are sex acts. Is your spouse on the computer in the early morning hours before work? Do they hide large amounts of pornography on the computer? Are they less interested in sex with you? How you feel about some masturbation and pornography use is up to you. Some levels of self-gratification and porn are not detrimental, but if the use of these sex acts is at a point of contention, and your partner hasn't given it up, that's a sign they're dealing with an unhealthy compulsion.

It is important to realize that only the addict himself/herself can really know the depths of their addiction and it is the individual that must realize he or she is suffering before treatment and recovery can be sought.

 

 

How Does The First Step To Recovery From Sex Addiction Work?

Sex addiction is characterized by behavior that becomes progressively more damaging and eventually leads to a life that is completely unmanageable by the addict. Despite the mounting evidence in their lives, it can be incredibly difficult for individuals who find themselves in the grip of sex addiction, to admit there is a problem. For most people caught in any addiction, there is a period in which the addict remains convinced that with a little more effort, or with one last attempt, the addiction can be bested. Unfortunately for the truly addicted person this simply is not true.

One of the most effective methods to overcoming this addiction is through engagement in a twelve step program. Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) is one such program that offers worldwide anonymous meetings for people working to recover from sex addiction, as well as accountability, sponsorship, and an important support network of empathetic individuals. The First Step in SAA reads, "We admitted we were powerless over addictive sexual behavior - that our lives had become unmanageable."

It is believed that it is only by recognizing the inability to stop the behaviors associated with this addiction that the addict can hope to actually stop. This realization requires addicts to look outside of themselves for the necessary support and accountability that is so vital to a successful recovery. An individual struggling with this issue is often unable to be truly open and honest without the support of an outside viewpoint. For this reason, the first of the twelve steps to recovery is one that is taken publicly, whether it be one-on-one with a sponsor or in front of a meeting; it is not at all a private or solitary step.

The First Step to sex addiction recovery is not about making changes in the life of the addict. It is about facing and telling the truth about the addictive behaviors and their consequences. There are several ways that this First Step to recovery can be taken by the addict.

During identification at an anonymous meeting. At most meetings of twelve step organizations there is a time in the beginning for members to greet one another and introduce themselves. Generally, the statement goes something like, "Hi, my name is Tom and I'm a sex addict." This can often be the first time an addict has admitted those words out loud. In doing so, he or she is acknowledging powerlessness over the disease.

With a sponsor - Some addicts might prefer to take the First Step away from the comparative formality of an official group meeting. They may decide to share with their sponsor or other close friends from the program they are involved with. The addict may not yet be ready to tell his or her story in front of strangers, but still need to admit the truth in a safe, public environment.

Informal First Step - This is generally a brief presentation made to the group during a scheduled meeting in which addicts share some highlights from their life of sex addiction. This mini First Step to sex addiction recovery is generally about 2 to 5 minutes long.

Formal First Step - In a formal First Step to sex addiction recovery, addicts share with their group the details of their behavior and the consequences from it. This is done as a tool to illustrate fully the powerlessness the addict has over his or her behavior and the unmanageably of life as an addict. These presentations can last anywhere from 10 minutes to most of the scheduled meeting time, depending upon the group and individual circumstances.

During recovery from a slip - Some people working through the process of recovery from sex addiction find that it is helpful to return to the First Step to sex addiction recovery after slipping up and engaging in behavior associated with their sex addiction. Generally this involves admitting the slip to the group, acknowledging powerlessness over the addiction, and focusing on the details of what might have led to the slip in the first place.

After the initial First Step, using one or more of the methods above, the addict will likely revisit this admission of powerlessness many times throughout recovery. It is important that the addict remember daily his or her inability to manage sex addiction; not doing so runs the risk of the addict becoming self-deceived and believing that he or she is able to manage this disease alone.

 

 

10 Common Questions Men Have About Sex Addiction

1. Question: Am I a sex addict?

Answer: There are a number of red flags that can signal an addiction to sex. A person who uses sexual activity be it intercourse, viewing pornography, phone sex, chat rooms, prostitution or masturbation as a numbing agent, something to prevent them from feeling bad, may have a sex addiction. Other indicators the sexual behavior is causing the addict problems include their spouse becoming upset over their behavior or they've gone into debt over payment for phone sex lines or Internet pornography sites. Spending an excessive amount of time viewing pornography Over 10 hours a week is another red flag, since this sexual behavior is interfering with time spent with friends, family or at work.

Another key factor is the addict has tried to stop engaging in sexual behavior but failed. When all these things come together, it's time to ask a professional about getting help.

2. Question: Can I be cured?

Answer: Many sex addicts have reported being able to bring their sexual behavior under control, through any one of a variety of treatment methods. Some attend intensive rehabilitation facilities; others go to therapy sessions, attend 12 step meetings or use medication and a host of other techniques to control their sexual behavior. This can include finding a trusted person to act as an "accountability partner." Or for pornography addicts, it can mean the use of pornography blocking computer programs.
3. Question: Does being cured mean I give up sex?
Answer: No. Unlike chemical dependencies related to alcohol or drugs, sex is recognized as a healthy aspect of life. Treatment for sex addiction, while it does involve a period of abstinence, seeks to bring harmful and unwanted troublesome sexual activity under control to where it is no longer causing harm. It may lead to stopping viewing pornography, discontinuing solicitation of prostitutes and other "bottom line" behaviors or even illegal activities. The goal is stopping harmful behavior, but certainly not giving up sex.

4. Question: Is sex addiction even real, or just something people use to excuse their behavior?

Answer: Truth be told, there are some experts who don't feel sex addiction is real and say it's more a product of conflicting social norms and mores. Other say sex addiction exists but do not feel it meets the definition of an addiction in the same way addiction to alcohol or drugs does. For a sex addict seeking treatment, it may be a moot point. To get treatment, first one has to recognize they have a problem and stop trying to use their own willpower alone to control it. Many people have sought treatment for sex addiction and reported results. Much of the criticism about its validity has been aimed at celebrities embroiled in public sex scandals and is hardly analogous to the average person not living in the public eye. Sex addiction is real and one struggling with unwanted sexual behaviors certainly can attest to that fact.

5. Question: What caused this? How did I get to be this way?

Answer: There is no definitive cause for sex addiction, and for each person it will be different. Many sex addicts report being sexually abused at a young age and growing up with a distorted view of sex and what a healthy sex life should be. For others, it is simply the rush of chemicals in their brain after discovering a parent's pornography stash or coming across it in some other fashion. Still others indicate the accessibility of Internet pornography had them fall into a cycle, while there are those who turned to using sex as a numbing agent during a difficult period in their lives and began relying on it as a coping mechanism. For some growing up with abuse, neglect, abandonment and enmeshment have cause the to seek out other ways to feel good about life and themselves.

While knowing the cause of sex addiction is important, those on the path to recovery should not seek to dwell on the unchangeable past; instead, they need to focus on their present actions.

6. Question: Does viewing pornography and sexual interaction over the Internet count as cheating on my spouse?

Answer: Not to be glib, but it can depend on the spouse. Certainly many women do feel that their spouses having cybersex or phone sex with another woman qualifies as infidelity. They may not react in the exact same way as if it had been physical sex with another woman, but the impact on a relationship can be dire. First, the wife will feel betrayed. She won't trust her husband if he's been hiding his behavior. She may can feel bad about herself, perhaps thinking some failing on her part led the husband to seek these sexual outlets.

Even pornography viewing can be a sore spot for women. Society places a lot of pressure on women to be physically attractive and sexually desirable and they may feel they are in competition with actresses in pornographic videos. This can affect their self-esteem, even if they do not confront their husband about the behavior.

7. Question: Can medication lower my sex drive so I don't have this problem.

Answer: Yes and no. There are medications out there that can lower a person's sex drive, and they are often used to treat sex addiction. However, they are limited in their power to erase the problem completely. Some form of therapy, be it a 12 step program or other process, is required.

8. Question: Will I ever be cured or is this a lifelong problem?

Answer: Many people report being able to bring their sexual behaviors under control, sometimes after a period of months or years, and are living lives relatively free of problems related to sex addiction. These people have addressed the factors in their life they had once sought to control by using sex; they have now embedded into their lives multiple tools to avoid falling back into destructive addiction cycles. For some, there is always the fear they will relapse, and some do struggle with sex addiction for long periods of time. There is no quick fix for the problem.

9. Question: I'm also addicted to alcohol. Is my sex addiction just a sign that I'm susceptible to addictive behaviors in general?

Answer: In some ways, yes. Many sex addicts report being addicted to alcohol, drugs, or behaviors such as gambling. They also claim family members with various addictions. It's certainly been theorized that a person can have a genetic predisposition to addictive behaviors. As to treating multiple addictions, it should be noted that many sex addiction treatment programs are modeled after alcohol treatment techniques developed by Alcoholics Anonymous. 12 step programs such as Sexaholics Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous and Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous model their programs after and borrow their literature from that organization.

10. Question: Am I really a sex addict or is my sex drive just naturally high?

Answer: The difference between a sex addict and a person who enjoys a lot of sex has to do with why the behavior is being sought and the inability to stop an unwanted behavior as well as the obsession and compulsion. A person with a high sex drive is aroused and in most cases can control acting on that arousal. A sex addict is engaging in sex as a coping mechanism, isolating themselves from others even if they have a real life partner for the sex, and engaging in the sex act compulsively. They may feel shame after they complete the act, or some general feelings of depression. Actual arousal is not the primary motivator.

Using the Three Circle System In Recovery From Sex Addiction

The Three Circles is a tool designed by the twelve-step organization Sex Addict's Anonymous (SAA) that is used to define sexual sobriety, establish boundaries, and organize behaviors according to whether they are addictive, healthy, or somewhere in between. You may find that this tool proves helpful to you during your own recovery from sex addiction.

Draw three circles, one around the other. When you are finished you should have an inner circle, middle circle, and outer circle (it should look something like a bullseye). The descriptions below will help you to understand which behaviors should go in which circle, and why.

The Inner Circle

In the Inner Circle you will write all of your compulsive sexual behaviors related to your sex addiction. The behaviors that go in this circle are those that you are choosing to abstain from entirely. These are behaviors that you are powerless over, actions that lead to negative consequences, pain, and suffering. These behaviors of sex addiction make you a danger to yourself and to others.

You might find that your Inner Circle includes things such as: exhibitionism, voyeurism, anonymous sex, prostitution, phone sex, child sexual abuse, incest, or any other type of behavior that is clearly and definitively associated with your sex addiction and which carries negative consequences for yourself or others. If you find yourself wondering which of your behaviors should to in the Inner Circle, ask yourself the following questions: are you unable to stop the behavior when you want to; do you keep this behavior a secret; if this behavior were to be revealed would there be negative consequences; do you use the behavior to avoid emotions or responsibilities; and is your behavior lacking in intimacy and respect for either yourself or others? If the answer to any of those questions is yes, you're likely dealing with an Inner Circle behavior of your sex addiction.

The Middle Circle

The behaviors that belong in the Middle Circle are those that are less destructive than those within the Inner Circle, those that do not quite fall into the category of unmanageable sex addiction but don't rise to the level of ideal behavior. You might think of the Middle Circle as the gray area. As you begin the initial process of recovery you can also put behaviors that you are uncertain about into the Middle Circle.

The Middle Circle is generally made up of behaviors that will eventually cause a slip if engaged in for too long or too often. As you progress in your healing you will very likely begin to understand that behaviors that initially were placed in the Middle Circle actually belong in the Inner Circle. However, recovery from sex addiction is not an overnight process and you should tackle what you can as you can.

Some of the behaviors that might end up in your Middle Circle include: cruising for prostitutes or for a place to act out, acting seductively in an inappropriate situation, contacting former sexual partners, surfing the Internet late at night by yourself, spending time with young children, and anything else that might bring about eventual triggers or a slip into your addictive behavior.

The Outer Circle

In the same way that you knew for certain that behaviors listed in the Inner Circle were compulsive, rooted in sex addiction, dangerous and destructive, behaviors that are listed in the Outer Circle are those that you know for certain will lead to increased success in your recovery and are to be encouraged and practiced freely. The Outer Circle is made up of behaviors that you choose because they enhance your life, your recovery, and your spirituality. In contrast to Inner Circle behaviors, which serve to keep you isolated in your sex addiction, the Outer Circle list will help keep you engaged with community and reality. These behaviors also lead to self confidence and inner peace.

Your list of Outer Circle behaviors, those that benefit your recovery from sex addiction, might include working a twelve-step program, attending group meetings, engaging in sexual activity within a committed relationship, a new hobby or sport, developing non-sexual friendships, or exercise and meditation.

It isn't necessary for you to have your three circles perfectly worked out. This will be an ongoing process. As you learn more about yourself and your sex addiction, you will find that things shift and change. It is strongly recommended that you work with your sponsor, or with another sober sex addict, in developing your Three Circles. Remember that it is your isolated thinking and tendency toward self-deceit that kept you locked in your addiction. Working alone on these circles may give you a list that is either too lenient or overly strict. You may find that working your sobriety with a group or sponsor will bring the clarity you've been missing.

The Habit of Prayer During Recovery From Sex Addiction

As you go through the stages and steps of recovery from sex addiction, you may begin to add the habit of prayer into your life. Some people who are in recovery from sex addiction have grown up in churches or with the tradition of religion in their lives and families; others have no experience with God at all. Regardless of where you are coming from, it is recommended that you integrate prayer into your day-to-day life. Prayer can come from any tradition you are familiar with, be written by another person, be self-created, or simply be a conversation between you and the God of your own understanding.

As you begin your journey from sex addiction to healthy sexuality, you may have a difficult time building a relationship with your Higher Power. You might even find yourself actively resisting the idea of God at all. If this is true for you, you might begin your daily habit of prayer by praying for the willingness to have a Higher Power be a part of your life.

You may find that the daily habit of prayer can become more powerful if you first take the time to define God for yourself. For people in recovery from sex addiction who have not found a home in organized religion, or for those who do not come from a church background, this can be very important. If you are to turn your life over to something outside of yourself, it is helpful to find clarity on what that something is.

In most twelve step groups that focus on sex addiction God is defined simply as a power greater than yourself. It is up to you to choose what that means to you. You may choose to find your God in a traditional form, in the beauty and power of nature, or in something else entirely. Work to not become discouraged during the process of defining God as you understand God. Try to be open-minded. If this idea is proving difficult for you, speak with others at meetings or sex addiction support groups who are sober and appear to have a positive relationship with God.

Prayer provides a time for communing with the God of your understanding; it helps in building and strengthening the relationship between you and your Higher Power. There is no right or wrong way to pray, it is simply the act of prayer that is important. It is up to you to decide how you pray and what the content of those prayers is. You might pray for help in your recovery from sex addiction. You may want to pray in thankfulness for your life and for the well-being of those you care about. Very often you may find that you pray for guidance as you try to comprehend sex addiction and what you should and should not do.

Some people working through the steps of their recovery from sex addiction find that a specific time or place set aside for prayer can help keep them involved in the habit, as well as make the practice more real and personal. You may want to engage in prayer at a traditional house of worship, or a special place within your own home. If you schedule a time each day, however short or long you like, for prayer and meditation, you will have an easier time bringing this principle of prayer into your life.
A good place to start when you are considering prayer is with the well-known Serenity Prayer: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." This prayer is widely used and recited at most meetings of sex addiction support groups. For many it provides immediate comfort and brings alignment with their Higher Power. You might find it helpful to memorize and recite again and again during times of high anxiety, stress or insistent temptations, and triggers attached to your sex addiction.

The Serenity Prayer is especially helpful as it provides guidance when working to understand what the next right thing might be. If you are facing a particular challenge that you can't change, you can turn it over to your Higher Power. If you are looking at behaviors, especially those associated with your sex addiction, that you can change this prayer helps to invite action and courage. You may find that using the Serenity Prayer helps you to understand the differences between what you can and can't change and, in doing so, brings peace.

However you decide to implement prayer into your life, and whatever words you use, you will find that the practice brings peace and hope to an otherwise challenging journey through recovery from sex addiction.

What Is a Spiritual Approach to Recovery From Sex Addiction

Successful recovery from sex addiction can involve a many aspects from support groups to Twelve-Step programs to therapy and anything in between. Whichever path you decide to travel, your own spirituality will be incredibly important to your recovery process.

Spirituality can be loosely defined as your personal connection and feelings about a power greater than yourself and practicing self-awareness. Even if you don't believe in a higher power, you can still be a spiritual person. It's all about being in touch with yourself, your feelings, and your thoughts.
Spirituality is not necessarily connected to religion, but it differs from person to person.Like many things in life, spirituality is what you make of it and what you want it to be. If you associate your spirituality with your religious beles, that's okay. If you don't, that's okay too.

How can you use your spirituality to help defeat your sex addiction? The peace, serenity, tranquility and self-awareness resulting from a spiritual connection are helpful in keeping you on track as you travel your path to recovery. Relying on these skills alone will not bring you into recovery, but are helpful when things get rough and you feel like giving up.

If you consider yourself a spiritual person, you will likely benefit from Twelve-Step programs from recovery from sex addiction. Most Twelve-Step programs are deeply rooted in spirituality. In fact, the eleventh step is focused on forging a strong connection with whatever higher power you may believe in, and asking only for knowledge of your life's plan and the will to carry out that plan. Successfully attaining and completing this eleventh step results in a spiritual awakening, bringing a feeling of peace.

A strong spiritual connection can bring you calmness and peace during the difficult recovery process. For instance, meditation is a spiritual activity which provides a sense of calm and peacefulness. Many people meditate to calm themselves down and reconnect with their spiritual side. While meditating by itself won't bring you recovery from sex addiction, it is a useful tool for achieving a certain level of peace. Meditation will bring you some much needed "me time," and is useful for removing yourself from the hustle and bustle of daily life. Meditation has a positive effect on stress levels and is also a great option when you feel cravings for your addictive behavior.

Again, spirituality alone will not cure your addiction, but it is certainly a useful and comforting tool to have on your road to recovery from sex addiction. Combined with the power of therapy or a Twelve-Step program, a strong spiritual connection is indispensable on your road to recovery from sex addiction.

What Is H.A.L.T. In Recovery From Sex Addiction?

The acronym H.A.L.T. stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. This acronym was designed to remind those recovering from sex addiction to never find themselves too hungry, getting angry, being lonely, or being tired. These emotions are natural stresses, and stress brings on vulnerability.

Vulnerability tends to bring out the behaviors associated with your sex addiction. If you remember to take care of your body's basic needs, you can keep your system from going into emergency mode, where your thoughts become confused and you begin to believe the lie, that your addiction will provide you with the relief you need.

When you were active in your sex addiction, you most likely sped through life on the adrenaline that comes with addiction and lost touch with some of the basic natural feelings of your body. You may have lost touch with what it felt like to simply be tired or hungry, and be okay with it.

Many addicts, while they are acting out in their sex addiction, do not take the time for decent rest or food. Then, when you began taking steps towards recovery from sex addiction, there are the difficulties of withdrawal to deal with. Some have described this feeling as nervous energy that won't stop. You might have difficulty sleeping, or you might find yourself sleeping more than ever before. Whether it's years of acting out your sex addiction that have run you ragged, or the effects of withdrawal, it is important that you slow down and rest in your sobriety, and take good care of yourself.

While you were engaged in active addiction, you likely believed sex was the solution for all your troubles.

When your thoughts become cloudy, or your thinking becomes more difficult due to natural bodily responses, it can be easier to mistakenly believe that returning to your sex addiction is the only solution.

Remembering the H.A.L.T. tool can help you to stop and reflect upon what your body may be trying to tell you. You may be surprised to find that what your mind is telling you has nothing to do with addiction, and everything to do with taking care of the basic necessities of life.

Ask yourself if you're avoiding an unpleasant emotion? Have you gotten enough sleep? Have you been alone too often? Are you hungry, or did you forget to eat? Many times you will find that a good meal, some quality conversation, the opportunity to examine your feelings, or a good night's sleep is all that you need to regain your sense of serenity and commitment to your recovery from sex addiction.

Sex: Do Some People Have Sex To Avoid Themselves?

In recent history, the general attitude towards sex has changed and it has almost gone from one extreme to the other. So a more liberal approach has appeared and this is often how life works. This can be seen at a more personal level and further out, to include what is happening in the world.

Here, one can stop themselves from engaging in something and after a short time, go to the other extreme. This can occur over a period of weeks, months or even years in one's personal life for instance. And when it applies to a socially supported behaviour, it can require many generations to alter.

One can be brought into a family that allows certain things and disallows others and the same goes for the society that they live in. it is then fairly inevitable that some parts of their nature will be expressed and others that are repressed.

A brief look at human history will show that this has more or less always happened and still happens to this day. And what was denied at one point in time will often be embraced in another.

Purpose

There was a time when sex was seen by many as something people did when they were married and not before; and this was very much influenced by religion. It took place when people wanted children and there was no other purpose for it.

This naturally created a lot of shame and guilt around sex and removed a lot of pleasure from it in the process. During the 60's, the hippie movement really shook everything up in regards to relationships and sex. It is often said that this was the time when sex become more than an act one simply engaged in to have children.

Liberation

So, many people were liberated around this time and were able to enjoy sex and to really embrace the fact that its purpose consists of more than just having children. A lot of repression no longer had to take place and peoples wellbeing increased as a result.

And not just because they were having more sex, but due to them no longer having to deny their body's natural urges. To deny what the body needs is going to create more problems; frustration and a sense of being disconnected can arise. Repression is not healthy long term solution.

The Modern Day

From this point onwards, the purpose of sex has generally changed. And one consequence of that is that sex has lost a lot of its meaning. For some people it is still seen as sacred and something that must be respected. And for others, it is simply another way to feel good.

Although sex has a biological element to it, it can also have an emotional reason as well. And like any other form of escape that one can engage in; sex can end up being used for the same purpose.
So while the carefree approach towards sex in today's world can be seen as sign of growth and individual freedom, it is also a consequence of people having emotional challenges.

Regulation

One's body and another person's body, then becomes another way for one to regulate their own emotions. And when this emotional pain gets really bad, it can cause ones sexual drive to rise. This could be interpreted to mean that one has a high sex drive, when in reality; it is simply a conditioned reflex to cover up how they are truly feeling.

And as emotions are generally ignored and not dealt with in today's world, it is not much of surprise to see that so much of what is seen in society has become sexualized in one way or another.

When one is in pain, their attention is often brought down to this area of their body and their mind or heart could end up being overlooked. One is then no longer a whole human being; they are fractured.

Being Human

To be human means that emotions are part of life and that means everyone experiences the so called 'good' and 'bad' emotions. When they are avoided, they can build up and cause one to act in ways that are impulsive and compulsive; one is then enslaved to them.

So if one was to have sex to regulate how they feel on the odd occasion or during a time in their life that was extremely challenging for example, the consequences may well be minimal. If one has had a hard day at work or something similar and has sex with their partner to de-stress, it would be classed as normal and healthy.

On the other hand, if one has become what is described as a 'sex addict' or constantly has sex to avoid how they are feeling, then some kind of assistance may be required.

Awareness

This could be pain that has come about through a loss in one's life or through what has been trapped in one's body since they were younger. And while time has passed, their body is still holding on to the original pain.

Sex is allowing one to gain short term relief, but what it is not doing is dealing with the pain. Perhaps one has managed to stop this from affecting other areas of their life, or it could be harming all areas.
One could seek the assistance of a therapist of healer to release their trapped feeling and emotions. Here, one will get in touch with them and gradually release them.

What's It Like During Withdrawal From Sex Addiction?

Once you have acknowledged your sex addiction, and made the decision to get help, you need to prepare yourself for a period of withdrawal. Going through withdrawal should be as expected in sex addiction as it is in other addictions like drugs or alcohol. If you are going to become abstinent from the behaviors that make up your sex addiction, there will be physiological and psychological cravings and urgings that accompany your abstinence.

There is no clear-cut answer to the question of what to expect during withdrawal. Just as everyone's sex addiction is different, so is everyone's experience with withdrawal. You may become depressed or have sudden bouts of anxiety. You may experience mental and physical exhaustion, have sharp mood swings, or find yourself thinking irrationally; you may have unexplainable physical pains. You may feel sick, lousy, depressed or totally fatigued.

Once you have begun to abstain from the behaviors that you engaged in because of your sex addiction, you might find yourself drawn to new ways of acting out, or to behaviors that never appealed to you prior to your abstinence.

The mental and emotional components of withdrawal can be intense in the beginning of your abstinence, making acting out in your behaviors difficult to resist. It is important to remember in these times of overwhelming temptation that what you are feeling is temporary. Without successfully resisting these extreme temptations, you will not be able to withdraw from your sex addiction.

Boredom often becomes a problem for many addicts who are attempting to withdraw from a sex addiction. Addictions are over-stimulating by nature. The idea of facing life without them is initially boring to an addict who is used to over-stimulation. It will be important during your period of withdrawal to be able to tolerate inactivity long enough to move past boredom and begin to experience peacefulness. This will not happen overnight.

As you progress in your withdrawal you may find that some things become easier, while others become more difficult. Once you are past the immediate cravings and urges, and past the initial intensity, you will find that the original feelings, memories, or fears that you were using your sex addiction to self-medicate are still present. In your addiction, you unconsciously used sexual behaviors and activities to mask and medicate feelings that you did not want to face.

One of the essential steps in withdrawal is being able to face those very emotions without returning to the behaviors developed during your addiction. It may be beneficial for you to seek professional help during this stage of withdrawal. You should view this step in your recovery as more than just a victory over sex addiction, it is a step toward personal wholeness and well-being. You will also want to keep in touch with many others in recovery to help get you over the challenges of withdrawal.

Very few addicts are able to go through the process of withdrawal alone. There are many tools available to help you in getting through this stage of recovery. Attend the meetings of a local twelve-step group and reach out to other members as needed. Develop a support team around you and make phone calls to keep yourself focused on your recovery. Pay special attention to self-care to help lessen some of the stress associated with withdrawal.

While withdrawal from sex addiction is challenging, it is important to remember that every time you give in to your addiction you are interrupting the process of recovery, and you start back at square one. It is the willingness to live through withdrawal that is the foundation upon which you can build the rest of your recovery.