Often, when something isn't well understood or has been buried in
misconceptions by popular culture, it can be helpful to talk about what
it is not so people can grasp what it is.
Sex addiction is one of those things that has plenty of cultural baggage attached to it. Given that it's a real, serious problem, it could do without some of the assumptions attached to it, not only to give sex addicts some relief, but to make it easier for those who think they may be sex addicts to get help.
People tend to trivialize addiction in everyday speech, making light of how much they like something by saying they're addicted to it. Even if it's alcohol, people who've been enjoying the high life for a bit of time joke about being alcoholics. The same applies to sex addicts, only the reference usually comes with a barb or two. In addition to calling a person a slut or whore, sometimes the accusation of "sex addict," will get tossed around, usually at someone who's been perceived as more promiscuous than they should be. The nature of this level of chatter isn't important, but the fact that the words sex addict are used to wound with little knowledge as to what a true addict is, is key.
Compulsive sexual behavior is also used as a marketing tool for pornography, only the word of choice there is "nymphomaniac" or just "nympho." The illusion they're selling is that of women with insatiable sex appetites, which appeals to certain, mostly male, sexual desires. The reality to anyone familiar with it is that "nymphomania," or sex addiction, is far from sexy.
Someone in this position is not a person who enjoys lots of sex. Nor is an addict one who enjoys "kinky," sex. Owning a lot of sex toys, having many partners, being open about sex, none of these things equal a sex addict. People who commit sex crimes are likewise not always, or even in most cases, sex addicts. Setting the law and personal preferences aside for a moment, there's no right or wrong way to enjoy sex. How much one has is up to them, and how they have it is their decision to make.
Sex addicts do not necessarily enjoy sex anymore than the next person. That's not why they do what they do. When a person has sex, they feel good because the brain has produced a series of chemicals that reward them for the act. Bad feelings fall by the wayside, a person feels content and accomplished, at least for a short period of time. Any sex act can trigger this. To the brain, sex with another person, watching porn, and masturbating are all the same.
Those addicted to sex need these chemicals in the same way a drug addict needs their drug of choice or an alcoholic needs alcohol. Not only is it their only tool for managing bad feelings, but their tolerance to the chemicals builds up and they need to engage in their behavior to feel normal. Like other addicts, those addicted to sex experience withdrawal symptoms and can rationalize their behavior to themselves.
That ability to rationalize is key, as it relates to another key component of addiction: Continuing despite negative consequences. We talked a bit earlier about some sexual habits people might have. Let's take a promiscuous person who enjoys kinky sex as an example. If their behavior makes them happy and doesn't cause them any problems, they're not addicts. Now, if they were missing work to have sex or putting themselves in danger, they might be sex addicts.
We say "might," because anyone can encounter problems with sex. Some might even see a sexual misadventure as part of life (Like a car crash. Not good, but they happen). Having these misadventures repeatedly while trying in vain to stop the behavior that causes them is a big indicator for addiction.
There are a lot of lists out there showing the criteria for this, but they all boil down to three things: A need to engage in sexual behavior, bad results from the behavior, and an inability to stop the behavior despite wanting to, and despite the negative consequences.
We mentioned sex crimes earlier, as well as other sexual behaviors some might deem outside the norm. We're not trying to equate the two, but while neither is a red flag for sex addiction, they can also be present in those addicted to sex. Prosecution for a sex crime is certainly a negative consequence of sexual behavior, a person addicted to sex who's had the problem for a while may well have had to increase the frequency or extremity of their behavior to achieve the same affect as before.
Sex addiction is one of those things that has plenty of cultural baggage attached to it. Given that it's a real, serious problem, it could do without some of the assumptions attached to it, not only to give sex addicts some relief, but to make it easier for those who think they may be sex addicts to get help.
People tend to trivialize addiction in everyday speech, making light of how much they like something by saying they're addicted to it. Even if it's alcohol, people who've been enjoying the high life for a bit of time joke about being alcoholics. The same applies to sex addicts, only the reference usually comes with a barb or two. In addition to calling a person a slut or whore, sometimes the accusation of "sex addict," will get tossed around, usually at someone who's been perceived as more promiscuous than they should be. The nature of this level of chatter isn't important, but the fact that the words sex addict are used to wound with little knowledge as to what a true addict is, is key.
Compulsive sexual behavior is also used as a marketing tool for pornography, only the word of choice there is "nymphomaniac" or just "nympho." The illusion they're selling is that of women with insatiable sex appetites, which appeals to certain, mostly male, sexual desires. The reality to anyone familiar with it is that "nymphomania," or sex addiction, is far from sexy.
Someone in this position is not a person who enjoys lots of sex. Nor is an addict one who enjoys "kinky," sex. Owning a lot of sex toys, having many partners, being open about sex, none of these things equal a sex addict. People who commit sex crimes are likewise not always, or even in most cases, sex addicts. Setting the law and personal preferences aside for a moment, there's no right or wrong way to enjoy sex. How much one has is up to them, and how they have it is their decision to make.
Sex addicts do not necessarily enjoy sex anymore than the next person. That's not why they do what they do. When a person has sex, they feel good because the brain has produced a series of chemicals that reward them for the act. Bad feelings fall by the wayside, a person feels content and accomplished, at least for a short period of time. Any sex act can trigger this. To the brain, sex with another person, watching porn, and masturbating are all the same.
Those addicted to sex need these chemicals in the same way a drug addict needs their drug of choice or an alcoholic needs alcohol. Not only is it their only tool for managing bad feelings, but their tolerance to the chemicals builds up and they need to engage in their behavior to feel normal. Like other addicts, those addicted to sex experience withdrawal symptoms and can rationalize their behavior to themselves.
That ability to rationalize is key, as it relates to another key component of addiction: Continuing despite negative consequences. We talked a bit earlier about some sexual habits people might have. Let's take a promiscuous person who enjoys kinky sex as an example. If their behavior makes them happy and doesn't cause them any problems, they're not addicts. Now, if they were missing work to have sex or putting themselves in danger, they might be sex addicts.
We say "might," because anyone can encounter problems with sex. Some might even see a sexual misadventure as part of life (Like a car crash. Not good, but they happen). Having these misadventures repeatedly while trying in vain to stop the behavior that causes them is a big indicator for addiction.
There are a lot of lists out there showing the criteria for this, but they all boil down to three things: A need to engage in sexual behavior, bad results from the behavior, and an inability to stop the behavior despite wanting to, and despite the negative consequences.
We mentioned sex crimes earlier, as well as other sexual behaviors some might deem outside the norm. We're not trying to equate the two, but while neither is a red flag for sex addiction, they can also be present in those addicted to sex. Prosecution for a sex crime is certainly a negative consequence of sexual behavior, a person addicted to sex who's had the problem for a while may well have had to increase the frequency or extremity of their behavior to achieve the same affect as before.
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