Understanding what a label is and how they work requires some
understanding of how language works. Humans have different words for
different things; these are all technically labels. The word label has
gotten a bad rap lately, and when it's talked about it's usually in
terms of segregating people into certain social groups in order to
dismiss them or write them off. Well, we need labels to a certain
degree.
The world we live in is complex and in a constant state of flux. The amount of work the human brain does simply walking out the door outstrips the computing power of the most advanced microchips. When a person tells another to "Be careful on the stairs," when they say stairs they are referring to a series of graduated platforms that one can step on to go either up or down. Do a Google Image search of "stairs" and you'll find hundreds of pictures that fit that description but no two that look exactly alike. We need to lump them all under the label "stairs" to save a lot of time.
According to an article in Psychology Today, labels are far more than a way to describe objects. Studies show they can actually determine what a person sees more so than what their senses report to them. The article makes reference to an experiment where English speakers and those who spoke Russian, were asked to differentiate between two shades of blue. The Russians had separate words -labels- for each shade, while the English speakers only had the one label, blue. The Russian speakers were able to distinguish between the two colors faster than the English speakers could because they had labels ready to go.
So, labels are useful, but they come with drawbacks. That same article describes another experiment where people were shown a picture of a man who appeared black to some and white to others. Each group was asked to draw him while looking at his photo. Each person drew the man's face, adding in features stereotypical to the race they believed him to be. In other words they made him into what they'd labeled him in spite of the reality before them.
How does this apply to sex addicts? It's bad enough that anyone who wears the label "sex addict" is going to be seen a certain way by others. The stereotypes abound, from the decadent celebrity, the lecherous president, to the creepy-looking introvert who may or may not be a sexual predator. These are not good images to have, but where sex addicts can really suffer is when they too buy into the label and live up - or down - to the perceived expectation given by the label.
Before we go any further, let's acknowledge that the term "sex addict" is getting used a lot as a label.
Here we're using it to refer to people who have lost control of their sexual behaviors and have become addicted to them. Sex addiction encompasses a lot of things, from addiction to masturbation, pornography, voyeurism, exhibitionism, pedophilia, rapist, and even relationships. All are different, but all share some core similarities and so we're using sex addict to include all those people in an effort to identify a problem and work to solve it.
Sex addicts have to be careful about how they view being referred to as a sex addict, as the odds of the label changing are less than favorable. Shame is one of the biggest things that keep a person from seeking treatment and taking on the label of sex addict may be too much to bear for many.
Many women are concerned over the sex addict label. Sex is a tricky thing in our culture, full of double standards and stereotypes, and for women, the stigma of sex addiction weighs heavily on personal character.
Sex addicts of any gender must take a stand, which given what they are already going through can sound like a lot to ask, but given the danger of falling into and becoming the label, it has to be done. The best way to beat the label is to learn as much as one can about sex addiction. Don't stop at memorizing the 12 steps or coping techniques learned in therapy.
We live in the information age, do some reading on the real nitty gritty of this addiction, and the nature of addiction in general. Learn how the human brain works, find out why you have these compulsions, and don't let your understanding of it be two words deep.
The world we live in is complex and in a constant state of flux. The amount of work the human brain does simply walking out the door outstrips the computing power of the most advanced microchips. When a person tells another to "Be careful on the stairs," when they say stairs they are referring to a series of graduated platforms that one can step on to go either up or down. Do a Google Image search of "stairs" and you'll find hundreds of pictures that fit that description but no two that look exactly alike. We need to lump them all under the label "stairs" to save a lot of time.
According to an article in Psychology Today, labels are far more than a way to describe objects. Studies show they can actually determine what a person sees more so than what their senses report to them. The article makes reference to an experiment where English speakers and those who spoke Russian, were asked to differentiate between two shades of blue. The Russians had separate words -labels- for each shade, while the English speakers only had the one label, blue. The Russian speakers were able to distinguish between the two colors faster than the English speakers could because they had labels ready to go.
So, labels are useful, but they come with drawbacks. That same article describes another experiment where people were shown a picture of a man who appeared black to some and white to others. Each group was asked to draw him while looking at his photo. Each person drew the man's face, adding in features stereotypical to the race they believed him to be. In other words they made him into what they'd labeled him in spite of the reality before them.
How does this apply to sex addicts? It's bad enough that anyone who wears the label "sex addict" is going to be seen a certain way by others. The stereotypes abound, from the decadent celebrity, the lecherous president, to the creepy-looking introvert who may or may not be a sexual predator. These are not good images to have, but where sex addicts can really suffer is when they too buy into the label and live up - or down - to the perceived expectation given by the label.
Before we go any further, let's acknowledge that the term "sex addict" is getting used a lot as a label.
Here we're using it to refer to people who have lost control of their sexual behaviors and have become addicted to them. Sex addiction encompasses a lot of things, from addiction to masturbation, pornography, voyeurism, exhibitionism, pedophilia, rapist, and even relationships. All are different, but all share some core similarities and so we're using sex addict to include all those people in an effort to identify a problem and work to solve it.
Sex addicts have to be careful about how they view being referred to as a sex addict, as the odds of the label changing are less than favorable. Shame is one of the biggest things that keep a person from seeking treatment and taking on the label of sex addict may be too much to bear for many.
Many women are concerned over the sex addict label. Sex is a tricky thing in our culture, full of double standards and stereotypes, and for women, the stigma of sex addiction weighs heavily on personal character.
Sex addicts of any gender must take a stand, which given what they are already going through can sound like a lot to ask, but given the danger of falling into and becoming the label, it has to be done. The best way to beat the label is to learn as much as one can about sex addiction. Don't stop at memorizing the 12 steps or coping techniques learned in therapy.
We live in the information age, do some reading on the real nitty gritty of this addiction, and the nature of addiction in general. Learn how the human brain works, find out why you have these compulsions, and don't let your understanding of it be two words deep.
http://www.OnSexAddiction.com
helps individuals struggling with Sex Addiction, Porn Addiction,
Compulsive Masturbation, other dangerous sexual behaviors, and the
consequences of those addictions, get sober and into recovery so they
can lead richer, fuller, more successful and healthy lives. We provide
information, resources, articles, videos, CDs, DVDs, seminars,
conferences, and membership sites to help individuals better understand
what sex addiction is and how to deal with it.
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